Ep #197: Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids: Tools for Real-World Families

Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach Lisa Smith, as she gives you actionable step by step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation.

Let’s dive in.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to today’s episode. I am absolutely thrilled to be with you here today because today we’re diving deep into a topic that can truly transform your parenting. And to be honest with you, that’s what I really aim to do each and every week is bring you a topic that can help transform you.

On your parenting journey. And this week is no exception. So today we’re going to dive into the topic of emotional intelligence, and we’re doing this in the spirit of 2024 being the year of becoming emotionally regulated. So today I want to dive into the topic of emotional intelligence. And I know what you might be thinking.

Oh my gosh, another parenting buzzword, but trust me, this isn’t just a trendy concept. It’s a game changer that can turn your home from an emotional battlefield into a haven of understanding and growth. Does that get you going? Is that got a hook that makes you want to turn up the volume and listen more?

Awesome. So what exactly is emotional intelligence as it relates to parenting? Think about that for a moment. What is it? Well, simply put, it’s your superpower to recognize, understand, and manage emotions, both your own and your children’s. It’s about creating an environment where feelings aren’t just tolerated.

But they’re respected and used as tools for connection and growth. I gotta say that one again, y’all. Emotional intelligence in parenting. It’s about creating an environment where feelings aren’t just tolerated, but they’re respected and used as tools for connection and growth. That is good, right? Am I right?

Oh gosh. I want to shout that from a rooftop. Now think about it. How many times have you found yourself in the middle of a tantrum wondering, what am I doing wrong? Or maybe you’ve struggled to connect with your teenager who seems to be speaking an entirely different emotional language. Well, that’s where emotional intelligence comes in.

Okay. Let me share a quick story with you from one of my clients, Sarah. Sarah came to me feeling completely overwhelmed by her six year olds, emotional outbursts. She tried to reason with him. She tried timeouts. She even tried bribes. I mean, Hey, we’ve all been there, but nothing seemed to work. When we started working on Sarah’s emotional intelligence skills, things began to shift.

Instead of Sarah seeing her son’s tantrums as, quote, bad behavior, she began to see them as opportunities for connection. She learned to validate his feelings even when she couldn’t validate his actions. And you know what? Not only did the tantrums decrease, but her bond with her son grew even stronger.

Now I can almost hear some of you thinking that sounds great Lisa, but how do I actually do this? Don’t worry I’ve got you covered. Remember, I’m your parent coach. So let’s break down the core components of emotional intelligence You ready? Number one self awareness It’s all about us as the parents recognizing our own emotions and how they affect our parenting Are you snapping at your kids because you’re stressed at work?

Are you worn out and tired of making dinner? Are you frustrated because you and your partner are not getting along right now and you’re taking it out on your kids? Step one is self awareness. Step two, this one isn’t going to surprise you at all, self regulation. Once you’re aware of your own emotions, you need to manage them, especially in those challenging parenting moments.

And let’s be honest, there’s plenty of them. Step three, motivation. This is all about using your emotions to achieve your parenting goals and persevere through tough times. It’s not about using your emotions to belittle or confront. Or control or dominate or punish your kids. It’s about using your emotions to achieve your parenting goals.

Step four. I mean, this one’s a big one. Empathy. Understanding and sharing the feelings of your children, even when you don’t agree with them, even when they’re not spot on, even when they’ve done something really wrong. It’s understanding or trying to understand the feelings your kids are experiencing in the moment.

And making no feelings wrong or bad, or tell them they don’t feel that it’s validating what their experiences, even when they’ve done something wrong in the moment, this is huge parents, huge. And number five, social skills. Building strong relationships and communicating effectively with your kids. Now, you might be wondering, why does this matter, Lisa?

Well, let me tell you. The benefits are enormous. Emotionally intelligent parenting leads to healthier emotional development in your kids at any age. So I don’t care how old you are or how old your kids are. You can get started right now, today. Because emotionally intelligent parenting leads to healthier emotional development in your kids.

It leads to improved communication. It leads to stronger parent child bonds. And even better mental health for the whole family. Listen to this. You’re not just parenting. You’re preparing your child for a lifetime of emotional resilience and healthy relationships. So now let’s look at our kids. How do we raise emotional intelligence in our kids?

Learn more at www. cdc. gov Well, here are some practical steps that frankly might surprise you. The first thing we want to do is we want to model emotional awareness. Your kids are always watching you. Scary, I know. So start by naming your own emotions out loud. I’m feeling really frustrated right now that you and your brother are fighting.

I’m going to take a deep breath and calm down. Share your emotional regulation strategies. When I’m upset, I like to go for a walk to the mailbox to clear my head. When I’m not sure what to do, I take a pause. When things feel really difficult for me, I go to the kitchen sink and wash my hands. Share your emotional regulation strategies.

Number one, it communicates that you’re trying to emotionally regulate yourself. And number two, it communicates a strategy you’re using. And again, remember, kids don’t do what we say, they do what we do. Second, encourage open communication. Create a safe space for your children to express their feelings.

Ask open ended questions like, how did that situation make you feel instead of did that make you sad? Practice active listening. Put away those distractions and give your full attention when your child is speaking. Third, discuss and teach empathy. Help your children understand and share the feelings of others.

Use stories to discuss emotions, maybe play emotion charades, and encourage perspective taking. Help them walk in the shoes of other people. Remember, teaching emotional intelligence is an ongoing process. Be patient with yourself and your children as you learn and grow together. Now let’s talk about some key behaviors of emotionally intelligent parents.

Emotionally intelligent parents prioritize self care. You can’t pour from an empty cup, right? So if we want to raise our emotional intelligence, We have to be taking care of ourselves. There’s no other way around it. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re much more likely to be short, and triggered, and dysregulated when you’re interacting with anyone, let alone your children.

So you want to set time aside for activities that recharge you, whether it’s reading, exercising, or hobby. You might want to practice stress management techniques, like deep breathing or meditation. Number two, focus on connection over compliance when interacting with your kids. Build strong emotional bonds with your children.

Spend quality one on one time with each child regularly. Show interest in their world. Ask about their favorite episode of something. Why they really like Pokemon cards. What’s their favorite thing about Bluey? Ask about their friends, their hobbies, their dreams, what they want to be when they grow up.

What’s their favorite food? What’s their favorite thing to do with you? If they could go anywhere, where would they go? Show an interest in their world. Number three, again, back to this recurring theme, practice, empathy, and validation. Oh, I cannot express how important this is at any age. Listen without interrupting or trying to fix the problem immediately.

Work on reflecting back what you hear. It sounds like you’re really disappointed about not getting picked or voted in for class president or making the team. It sounds like you’re really upset that you studied and now feel like you didn’t do well on the test. Avoid dismissing feelings. Instead of don’t cry or shake it off, say, it’s okay to feel sad.

I’m here for you. Now I want to give you a couple of practical tools you can start using today. First, I want you to try emotional coaching with your kids. This involves being aware of your child’s emotions, recognizing emotional expression as an opportunity for connection and listening and teaching. Use it as an opportunity to listen empathetically.

Use emotional coaching as an opportunity to help your child label emotions. and use it as an opportunity to set limits while being empathetic. And use it as an opportunity to enforce the limits you’ve set with an empathetic eye. Second, incorporate mindfulness and mindfulness practices into your family routine.

Try breathing buddies. Have your little one lay down with the stuffed animal on their belly. Focus on the toy rising and falling as they breathe deeply. Got older kids? Create a gratitude jar. Each day, write down one thing you’re grateful for and add it to the jar. Have each person in the family do this at a set time every day, and then read them together at the end of the week, maybe over dinner, or an ice cream sundae, or a walk outside.

I know this might seem like a lot to take in, but remember, this is a journey. You don’t have to be perfect. Every emotionally intelligent interaction with your child is a step towards a stronger, more connected relationship. And what happens when we’re more connected? We get more cooperation. So here’s your homework.

This week, I want you to practice naming your own emotions out loud. When you’re feeling stressed, frustrated, even joyful, say it out loud. Let your kids hear you out loud, identifying and processing your own emotions. This my friends is a total game changer. If you do nothing else this week, but this, this is a complete and total game changer.

In the emotional intelligence of you and your children. And if you’re ready to dive deeper into emotional intelligence in your parenting, if you’re ready to raise your EQ and help your kids raise their EQ, then I want to invite you to join us in the hive in the hive. I support coach and teach parents just like you, how to implement these strategies with personalized coaching, tailored to your unique family dynamics.

Inside the Hive, you and I will work together to transform your parenting approach and create a peaceful home environment. So if you’re ready to learn more and join, go to thehivecoaching. com and get yourself enrolled. Now as we wrap up today, I want you to remember that you’re not just teaching your children how to manage emotions.

You’re equipping them with life skills that will serve them well into adulthood. So take a deep breath, be patient with yourself, and celebrate the small victories. Your family’s emotional well being is worth the investment. Yeah? Yes. Okay, to summarize what we talked about today. Emotional intelligence in parenting is about recognizing, understanding, and managing your emotions and your kids.

It involves self awareness, self regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. By modeling emotional awareness, encouraging open communication, and teaching empathy, you will raise emotionally intelligent kids. And remember, you also need to prioritize self care, focus on connection over compliance, practice empathy, and validation.

This is the recipe for raising the emotional intelligence. And the entire family. Yes. Awesome. Okay. Until next time, I’m wishing you peaceful parenting. Thanks for listening to real world, peaceful parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit the peaceful parent. com see you soon.