Ep #202: Why Family Values Are the Ultimate Parenting Tool

Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach, Lisa Smith, as she gives you actionable step by step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation.

Let’s dive in.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to today’s episode. I know I say this every week, but every week it’s true. I am so excited to be with you here today. Today, I want to talk about those moments as a parent, those moments when maybe you’re standing in the kitchen and this is the third sibling argument you’ve refereed for the day.

Or it’s the fourth time you’ve asked your kid to get off gaming and go do their homework. Or you’ve told your daughter three days in a row to put her clothes away and you think to yourself while exasperated, how do I make my expectations crystal clear? How do I help my kids really understand what matters in our family?

Can you relate to this? Well, my real world peaceful parent people, today we’re diving deep into something that can be absolutely transformative in your parenting journey. And it’s, drum roll please, mapping out your family values. Now I’m not talking about some fancy document that sits in a drawer somewhere.

I mean living, breathing values that guide your family every single day. And today I’m going to share with you three powerful reasons. Why taking the time to map out your family values can change everything. And I mean everything about how you parent and the best part. I’m not just going to give you the theory.

I’m going to show you exactly how this works in real life, including how we did it in my own family. And by the end of this episode, you’ll have a simple way to get started tonight. Yes, tonight. Okay, let’s dive into reason number one. Family values create a compass that everyone can follow. Think about it.

When we know our family values, when we really know them in our bones, we can hold ourselves accountable and guide our children’s confidence. Let me share something with you I’ve seen happen again and again with the families I work with. There was this family struggling with nighttime phone use. You know the scene, right?

Kids sneaking phones under pillows, Everyone exhausted the next day. Constant arguments about screen time. Maybe you’ve been there yourself. But when this family sat down and established a clear family value about rest and rejuvenation, something magical happened. They created a simple system. All phones in a central basket in the kitchen by 8pm.

No exceptions, no arguments. Mom and Dad’s phone, too. Why did it work? Because it wasn’t just a rule. It was tied to something bigger. That the family valued taking care of their minds and bodies. This reminds me of when Malcolm, my son, was about 10 years old. We sat down together and created what we call the Smith Family Rules.

But really, there are family values broken down into clear, actionable guidelines that everyone can follow. Let me tell you, having these written down and displayed in our home for the last ten years has been a game changer. Our very first value speaks to this exactly. Love yourself and take care of your body.

We broke it down into specific actions. Good hygiene for teeth, body, and mind. Decent diet, good sleep, and consistent exercise. See how this ties in to that family’s phone solution? When we communicate values like this to our kids, they start to understand and digest the why. They’re not just following rules.

They’re part of something bigger, and it allows them to feel connected to the family, to each other, and to us as the parents. They feel included. They have pieces to this beautiful family puzzle that we’re all putting together. Makes sense? Alright, now let’s talk about reason number two, and this one’s a game changer.

When it comes to parenting with ease and consistency, yes, I said ease, it all starts with family values. Think of them as your proactive parenting superpower. In my own family, one of our core values Is we do not need to like everyone, but we do need to be kind that’s powerful, right? But we didn’t stop there We broke it down to specify that we strive to respect everybody’s mind body and soul So that when conflicts arise, we have a clear framework to return to it’s not just about saying be kind It’s about understanding what kindness and respect looks like in action.

Your values, when you think about it, are like a road map for decision making. Should we say yes to this? No to that? Pass on something? Say no thank you? Prioritize and make choices based on the priorities? rather than impulsivity or what we want in the moment. When you’re clear on your values, these decisions become so much easier.

It’s like having a built in GPS for parenting. And now, my friend, reason number three, and this might be my favorite one because I talk about this all the time. Family values turn on the internal compass within our kids. Yes, you heard that right. They help our children parent themselves. I’ve seen this play out in my own home.

Another one of our core family values is we do our best every day. But we didn’t just leave it at that vague statement. We broke that value down into three specific actions. We show up, we try our best, and we do what we say we’re going to do, especially within ourselves. Having this clarity helps my son make decisions.

even when I’m not there. He has a clear understanding after 10 years of what doing our best looks like in our family. Picture this, your teenager’s at a friend’s house and there’s pressure to do something that doesn’t feel right. But because you’ve spent time talking about your family values, because you’ve broken down what these values look like in action, they have this internal guidance system.

They know in their bones what your family stands for and they’re not just following rules, So here’s what I want you to do tonight. Yes, tonight. I’m giving you a simple but powerful homework assignment. Grab a piece of paper, find a quiet moment. I know, I know, but try. And ask yourself this question. If I could only pass on two to three core values to my kids, what would they be?

Let me share what this process looked like in our family. We started with love yourself and take care of yourself. And then we broke it down into the specific actionable items. That started from the moment we got up to the moment we went to bed and look like from good hygiene to good sleep. Each big value needs these concrete day to day actions to make it real.

So when you’re doing your homework tonight, think not just about the big value, but how you can break it down into specific actions that your family can follow. And if you’re thinking, okay, but how do I actually implement these values in my daily life, Lisa? Well, I’ve got you covered. Inside my membership community called The Hive.

I work with parents just like you to create personalized strategies for mapping out your own family values and then turning them into daily practices that really stick. We dive into creating an internal compass for your kids with practical tools and coaching designed specifically for your family’s unique needs.

So if this speaks to you at all, go to thehivecoaching. com and join us. And we can start working on turning on that internal compass via your family values immediately. Okay, let me quickly recap what we’ve covered today. Family values create a compass everyone can follow. Family values make parenting easier by giving you a clear decision making framework.

And most importantly, they help our kids develop their own internal guidance system. Now, as always, remember this isn’t about being perfect. That’s why I call this podcast, Real World Peaceful Parenting. It’s about being intentional. It’s about creating a foundation that will guide your family, not just today, but for years to come.

I want that for you. I want that for your kids. So good. Right? Okay. Until next time, I’m wishing you peaceful parenting. Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit ThePeacefulParent. com. See you soon.