In this special episode, Lisa Smith welcomes the new year by reflecting on the incredible progress made by parents in the Real World Peaceful Parenting community. Lisa shares inspiring stories of transformation, practical tips to stay regulated, and the powerful “Oxygen Mask Principle” that shifts how you parent – one small step at a time. If you’ve ever struggled with keeping parenting resolutions or felt drained by the day-to-day, this episode is the perfect guide to realigning with your peaceful parenting goals in 2025.
Sign up for my free Peaceful Parenting mini-course! You’ll find everything you need to get started on the path to peaceful parenting just waiting for you right here!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- How small, intentional shifts can transform your parenting (without needing grand resolutions).
- The “Oxygen Mask Principle” and why prioritizing your emotional well-being directly benefits your kids.
- Simple daily practices that help regulate your emotions and prevent burnout.
- How to create a Peaceful Parent Action Plan to handle the most draining parts of parenting.
- Why self-compassion and repair (not perfection) are the heart of peaceful parenting.
- The power of identifying your “parenting why” and how it grounds you during challenging moments.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
-
- Click here to sign up for my free Peaceful Parenting mini-course! You’ll find everything you need to continue on the path to peaceful parenting over there just waiting for you.
- Send us an email!
- Message me on Instagram and tell me how you felt after 10 minutes of undivided attention with your child.
- Click here to join The Hive!
- Peace & Quiet: The Crash Course For Peacefully Parenting Your Strong-Willed Kids
Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to real world, peaceful parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach, Lisa Smith, as she gives you actionable step by step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation.
Let’s dive in.
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to today’s episode. I am so filled with gratitude to be with you here today. As we step into 2025, I want to take a moment to pause and personally honor each one of you who’ve been on this journey with me. You know what makes my heart absolutely overflow? Looking back at 2024 and seeing the incredible progress you’ve made.
I’ve witnessed so many of you breaking those generational patterns that aren’t serving your families. I’ve seen you choose connection over control, even when it felt challenging. I’ve watched you model self regulation for your children, showing them what it looks like to pause, breathe, and respond instead of react.
To every parent who’s listened to this podcast, who’s implemented even one tiny strategy, who’s chosen to do things differently, thank you. Thank you for allowing me To walk alongside you in your parenting journey. Thank you for being open to growth, for being willing to examine your patterns for showing up week after week, committed to becoming the parent.
Your kids need. There’s something truly magical about new beginnings, isn’t there? And as we step into 2025, my deepest wish for you is to experience even more moments of genuine connection and cooperation in your home this year. I can’t wait to continue supporting you as your parent coach in the year ahead, because let me tell you, this is just the beginning of your peaceful parenting journey.
And you know what? I was talking with a parent in the hive just last week, let’s call her Sarah. And she said something that really struck me. She said, I keep making these big grand parenting resolutions every January. But by February, I’m right back to yelling and feeling guilty. Oh my goodness. Doesn’t that just hit home?
I bet some of you are nodding right now thinking, yep, that’s my story. Here’s the thing, my real world, peaceful parenting friends. And this is important. We, you and I, we are going to do things differently this year. Instead of those huge, overwhelming resolutions that feel impossible to keep. We’re going to break this down into small, manageable steps that actually work in the real world.
Because let’s face it, real world parenting isn’t perfect. And that’s exactly why we need real world solutions. Let me share a few stories from parents in our community that might sound similar to you. One of my clients, we’ll call her Maria, came to me completely exhausted. She was trying so hard to be a peaceful parent, but kept losing it with her kids.
Want to know what we discovered? Maria was getting less than five hours of sleep each night. No wonder she was struggling to stay calm during her toddler’s tantrums. So we started with just one small change. Maria committed to going to bed 30 minutes earlier each night. Just 30 minutes. And you know what?
That 30 minutes made a world of difference. Another parent in the hive, let’s call him James, Was struggling with his morning routine. Every single day was a battle getting his kids ready for school. Can you relate to this? He’d end up yelling, the kids would cry and everyone would leave the house feeling terrible.
Sound familiar? Okay. Here’s what we did. We created a morning success routine. Instead of rushing through breakfast. While simultaneously packing lunches and checking backpacks, James started waking up 15 minutes earlier, and he packed lunches the night before and laid out the clothes. But the real game changer, he built in five minutes of, quote, special time with each child before the morning rush began.
Just five minutes of undivided attention filled his kid’s connection cup so much that the rest of the morning And then there’s Lisa, the mom of three who felt like she was constantly playing referee. Her kids would fight, she’d lose her cool, and then she’d spend hours feeling guilty about her reactions.
Working together in the Hive, we discovered that her own childhood experiences of being compared to her siblings were triggering her responses to her children’s conflicts. Once she recognized this pattern, we worked on healing that wound in While developing new strategies for handling sibling rivalry.
We basically broke a generational pattern so that she could show up and respond rather than react. So good, right? Okay, let’s turn our attention to you and how I can help you right now and in the coming year. Let’s start with something I call the oxygen mask principle. You know how on airplanes they always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others?
Well, peaceful parenting works the exact same way. We cannot, I repeat, cannot show up as the patient understanding parents. We want to be when we’re running on empty. Think about it this way. If you’re on an airplane and the pressure drops, which I hope never happens to any of us, you have mere seconds to get the oxygen flowing.
If you were to try to help your child first, you might pass out. before getting their masks secured, leaving you both in danger. You get this, right? Okay, it’s the same with emotional regulation and peaceful parenting. When we as the parent, when we’re depleted, when we’re running on empty, we can’t effectively help our children regulate their emotions or navigate their challenges.
I want you to imagine your emotional reserves. Like an actual oxygen tank. Every time you respond calmly to a tantrum that takes oxygen. Every time you pause before reacting to a sibling squabble, that takes oxygen. Every time you choose connection over compliance, you’re using your emotional oxygen. And just like a physical oxygen tank, if we don’t refill it regularly, we find ourselves gasping for air, or in this case, losing our cool with our kids.
I want you to do something with me right now, wherever you are, maybe you’re driving, doing dishes or finally getting that moment of peace after bedtime. I want you to engage in this exercise with me. If you’re somewhere safe to do so, close your eyes, take a big, deep breath through your nose. Yep. Do this with me right now.
Big, deep breath through your nose. Hold it for a count of three and release it slowly through your mouth. Feel your shoulders dropping. Feel your jaw relaxing. Now, with this moment of clarity, ask yourself, when was the last time I truly filled my oxygen tank? Not just a quick shower or scrolling through social media, but real intentional self care.
Then I want you to ask yourself or envision, what would it feel like to To start each day with your emotional tank full instead of running on fumes. Now, if you’re driving, keep this reflection in mind for later. But if you’re able to grab a piece of paper, because we’re going to do something powerful together.
I want you to draw a simple cup. Yes, right now. And inside that cup, I want you to write down three things that would genuinely fill you up emotionally. Not what you think should fill your cup. But what actually does? Maybe it’s reading a book in silence. Maybe it’s taking a walk alone. Maybe it’s having an uninterrupted conversation with a friend.
For me, it’s taking a walk in the sunshine, having a cup of coffee while sitting on my patio, and leaving a Marco Polo video for my friend that I leave each day. Those are three things that genuinely fill up my cup and allow me to move through the day with a full emotional tank. Rather than running on fumes.
Now here’s where we get practical. Yes, I’m giving you homework, but don’t worry. This isn’t the kind of homework that will sit in your backpack until the night before it’s due. This is the kind of homework that can transform your parenting journey. Take out your phone or go back to that piece of paper.
Because we’re going to create your peaceful parent action plan together. First, let’s do what I call a parenting temperature check. On a scale of 1 to 10, where are you right now in terms of your emotional regulation? How good are you at managing your own regulation and your own feelings? 1 to 10. On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate your connection with each of your kids?
How In general, not exactly in this moment, but in the last two weeks, how would you rate your connection with each of your children? And number three on a scale of one to 10, how would you rate your confidence? in handling challenging moments. Got those numbers? Great. Now write down these three things.
Write down the one thing that depletes your energy the most as a parent. The one thing. Is it getting them in the car in the morning? Is it repeating yourself over and over again? Is it bedtime? Is it dinner time? Is it homework time? Is it handling sibling rivalries? What is the one thing that depletes your energy the most as a parent?
Got it? Okay. Now think about this. What is one small action you can take to address that energy drain? What is one small action you can take? Small. Maybe it’s going to bed 30 minutes early. Maybe it’s not hitting the snooze button in the morning. Maybe it’s having a cup of coffee for 10 minutes on the patio before the kids get up.
Maybe it’s going for a walk on Saturday and Sunday mornings in the sunshine by yourself. Maybe it’s writing down your triggers from your own childhood. What is one small action you can take to address that energy drain? And then number three, I want you to write down your why. Why do you want to become a more peaceful parent?
This last one, your why is absolutely crucial. My friends, your why is what will keep you going when things get tough and they will get tough because that’s just real life. Let me share a quick story about this. One of our hot members, we’ll call her Rachel, had her why moment during a particularly challenging bedtime routine.
Her four year old was having an epic meltdown, and she found herself about to snap. But then Rachel remembered her why. I want my children to come to me with their problems, not hide from me when they’re struggling. This was her why. It hearkened back to her own childhood. And in that moment, Recalling her why gave her the strength to take a deep breath and respond with compassion instead of frustration.
Now your why might be different. Maybe it’s breaking generational patterns. Maybe it’s creating a home where your kids feel safe, safe to express all their emotions because you didn’t have that. Maybe it’s building a foundation of trust that will carry into their teenage years. Maybe your why is wanting to be close to your children when they’re adults because you’re not close to your parents.
Whatever your why is, write it down and keep it somewhere visible. Your bathroom mirror, your phone wallpaper, or even set it as a daily reminder. It’s really critical and life changing to remember your why. Why you’re on this journey. Let me tell you, this isn’t just a fantasy. I see these transformations happening every day in the hive.
Let me paint a picture for you of what peaceful parenting looks like in action. Picture your three year old having a complete meltdown in the grocery store. Many of us have been there. Instead of feeling embarrassed and trying to shut the tantrum down, you get down at their level. You make eye contact and say, I see you’re having big feelings about not getting that toy or candy.
It’s hard to want something and not get it, right? You can say this with empathy to your three year old. You’re not giving in, you’re connecting while maintaining the boundary. Or imagine this, you’re a teenager slamming their bedroom door after you’ve said no to a sleepover. Rather than getting angry about the quote disrespect, you take a pause, you take some deep breaths and you remember your why.
And you give your teenager space to feel their disappointment. And when you’re calm and regulated. You gently knock and say, Hey, I know you’re upset when you’re ready to talk about this. I’m here in this moment. You’re teaching your teenager that all emotions are acceptable, even while certain behaviors aren’t.
These are real scenarios from parents in the hive who are learning to respond rather than react, who are learning to connect instead of command and to guide instead of punish. And you know what? They started out exactly where you are right now. They just remember their why. Now, before I wrap up today’s episode, I want to talk about something that often comes up in the hive.
The myth of the peaceful parent. Let me be very clear. There is no such thing as a perfect peaceful parent We all have our moments even I have my moments with my son and I talk about parenting all day It’s the human experience And I want to remind you that the goal in real world, peaceful parenting is imperfection.
It’s progress and repair. And you know, what’s beautiful about this journey. I believe this to the depths of my soul. Every single mistake we make becomes a teaching opportunity. For example, when you lose your cool because you will, and we all do, you get to model repair. You get to show your kids what it looks like to take responsibility, to apologize sincerely, And to learn from our moments of dysregulation.
Just last week in one of our coaching sessions, a parent shared how she snapped at her son during homework time. And instead of letting guilt consumer, she used our repair script. I’m sorry. I raised my voice. You deserve to be spoken to with more respect. Even when I’m frustrated next time, I’ll take a breath first.
Can we have a do over on this conversation? She did that instead of letting guilt consume her. She made progress and she isn’t expecting perfection from herself. And that, that’s the real magic of peaceful parenting. Not that we never make mistakes, but that we handle those mistakes in a way that strengthens our connection with our kids.
Now let’s talk about something really important. What happens when things don’t go as planned? Because we’re going to have hard days. You might slip back into old patterns. Your oxygen tank might be low. You might be triggered by something that has nothing to do with your kids. Maybe you’re bringing a problem home from work.
Maybe you and your co parent are having a rough season. You know what? That’s okay. It’s more than okay. It’s part of the journey. One of our HIVE members shared something really powerful with me and our community recently. She said,
Which only made me more likely to yell again. Now I ask myself, what support did I need in that moment? How do I do that differently next time? Isn’t that beautiful? Instead of shame, she’s learning to choose curiosity and self compassion. When you have those rough days and you will, I want you to remember three things.
Number one, show yourself the same compassion you’d show your child. If your little one was struggling to learn something new, would you criticize them? Of course not. Okay. So give yourself some grace. Second, let’s adopt this mantra. I’m learning and growing just like my child say it with me right now out loud.
I’m learning and growing just like my child and third, reach out for support. That’s what community is for. Okay. As we head into the home stretch, this brings me to something I’m really passionate about tracking your growth. You know what we do in our monthly reflection sections in The Hive? We celebrate small wins.
And when I say small, I mean really small. It might look like you caught yourself before yelling. Perhaps you repaired faster after a hard moment, instead of letting guilt eat away at you for days. Or maybe you finally noticed what triggers your child’s storming, and now you can prepare for the next storm.
These might seem like tiny steps, but they’re actually giant leaps into your peaceful parenting journey. Every single parent in our community, including me, started exactly where you are right now. If you hear nothing else today, please hear that you are not alone on this path. And together, we can create lasting change, one peaceful moment at a time.
If you’re resonating with what you heard today and thinking, yes, that community is exactly what I need, then I have an invitation for you. I want you to join us in The Hive, where we’re creating a revolution of peaceful parents, one family at a time. In The Hive, you won’t just learn these concepts. You’ll put them into practice.
You’ll get the exact tools, scripts and strategies to implement them in your unique family situation. We’re talking weekly live coaching calls where you and I will address your specific challenges, a library of peaceful parenting scripts for those tough moments, a supportive community of parents who get it and direct access to me as your peaceful parenting coach.
I want you to think of the Hive as your Peaceful Parenting GPS. Just like you wouldn’t try to navigate a new city without directions. Why navigate this Peaceful Parenting journey alone? So if this speaks to you, and you’re ready, right now, to engage your Peaceful Parenting GPS. Head on over to the hive coaching.
com and learn more about how we can support you on your peaceful parenting journey. Remember the fact that you’re here listening to this episode means you’re already taking steps in 2025 to become the parent you want to be. You’re not alone on this journey and support is ready. When you’re ready. Until next time, I’m wishing you Peaceful parenting.
Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit the peaceful parent.com. See you soon.
Enjoy the Show?
-
-
- Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or RSS.
- Leave me a review in Apple Podcasts.
-