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Ep #212: The Parenting Tool I Learned from Tom Brady and The New England Patriots!

The Parenting Tool I Learned from Tom Brady and The New England Patriots!

In this episode, Lisa shares the transformative power of front loading—a proven strategy to help parents and kids navigate challenging situations with calm and confidence. Through engaging stories, actionable examples, and real-world tips, Lisa shows how preparation can set the stage for smoother transitions and stronger connections. Learn how to stay cool under pressure, help your child build resilience, and set your family up for success in everyday moments and beyond.

Sign up for my free Peaceful Parenting mini-course! You’ll find everything you need to get started on the path to peaceful parenting just waiting for you right here!


What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why front loading is a game-changing strategy for avoiding stress and meltdowns.
  • How front loading helps both parents and kids build confidence and capability.
  • Real-world examples of front loading for common parenting challenges like bedtime, school mornings, and family gatherings.
  • The neuroscience behind why dysregulated kids struggle to comply—and how preparation can help.
  • How front loading reduces decision fatigue and helps parents stay calm and consistent.
  • Three steps to start practicing front loading in your family today, including a powerful exercise to identify your family’s top stress triggers.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to real world, peaceful parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach Lisa Smith, as she gives you actionable step by step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation.

Let’s dive in.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to today’s episode. I am so excited to be with you here today. I am finally feeling better after struggling. with a cold for a couple of weeks. And, uh, I’m finally feeling back to my normal self. So thank you for all the well wishes that you sent while I was under the weather.

Okay. As we jump into today’s episode, I want to share a story. That perfectly illustrates the power of what we’re going to talk about today. Over Christmas break, Malcolm, Dave, and I were all flying out on the same day, right after Christmas. Dave and I in one direction to spend some fun filled days with family, and Malcolm was heading back to school as he had a game on the 28th.

When we got to the airport, we learned that Malcolm’s flight was delayed. And apparently after boarding, they sat on the tarmac for what felt like forever. Malcolm called me, concerned about missing his connection. Now, Dave and I were about to take off ourselves, but I took a moment to calmly walk Malcolm through exactly what to do if his flight gets canceled.

Want to know what Malcolm did as I was telling him what to do if his flight got cancelled? He rolled his eyes at me. Ha ha. I mean, I couldn’t see it, but he told me this later. He told me he was thinking, yeah, right, mom. Like my flight’s gonna get cancelled. But he was listening. Well, guess what happened?

Shortly after Dave and I took off, the pilot announced that the flight was cancelled. And Malcolm knew exactly what to do. Instead of panicking, he had a clear plan of action, all because we had front loaded the situation. And this, my real world peaceful parenting friends, Is the power of front loading and it’s what we’re diving into today.

But before I explain more about front loading, let me share with you who inspired today’s episode and the title. You know, who is the master of front loading drum roll, please. Tom Brady, TV 12. when he was with the Patriots, with the Patriots two minute offense. Let me share some mind blowing stats with you.

Tom Brady finished his career with 58 game winning drives and 46 fourth quarter comebacks. Think about that for a moment. In those crucial, high pressure situations, when everything was on the line, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots consistently delivered. How, you ask? Because he didn’t wait until the last two minutes of the game.

To figure out what plays to run. Nope. He didn’t the Patriots actually practiced that two minute offense Every single day in practice every single day Why because they knew that when those crucial moments came when the pressure was the highest Their muscle memory would take over they didn’t have to think about what to do because they had practiced it and they knew their brain just knew what to do.

Just like those 58 game winning drives didn’t happen by accident. Staying calm during your child’s meltdown at the grocery store, handling a flight cancellation or managing a tough bedtime isn’t going to happen by accident either. It takes practice preparation and yes, front loading. And this is exactly what front loading does for our kids and for us as the parents.

When we practice and prepare for challenging situations, we’re building confidence and capability. Just like those daily Patriot practices built the team’s confidence for those crucial moments. Let me take you back to a different story, one from before I understood the importance of front loading.

Malcolm was in the second grade and he was playing on a fourth grade lacrosse team in Northern, California. Our first tournament away from home, let me tell y’all, it was a total disaster. One giant shiz show. Why? Because we hadn’t prepared him for what to expect. Hadn’t discussed the various scenarios that might come up.

Hadn’t front loaded anything. We were all stressed, overwhelmed, and disconnected. And it was a hot mess. Can you see it? Can you feel it? I remember it like it was yesterday. Okay, so I want you to take a moment right now, And think about you and your family. Think about the last time you guys faced a challenging situation together.

Maybe it was the morning rush to school, and maybe it happens every day. Maybe it was a doctor’s appointment, or a big family gathering. And here’s the question. How much of that stress might have been avoided with better preparation, right? So what exactly is front loading? Well, simply put, it’s preparing your child and yourself for what’s coming before it happens.

It’s like giving your kids a roadmap before starting a journey. Just like Tom Brady’s preparation led to those incredible comebacks, your front loading can lead to smoother transitions and calmer responses in challenging moments. And believe me, I can attest to this. This really has been one of the secrets to peaceful parenting for me and for Malcolm and I over the years has been front loading.

So I really, really encourage you to bring this tool into your parenting toolbox. So let’s break this down into real world practical applications. Here are the top situations where front loading can make a huge difference, right? Something like the first day of school. Instead of just hoping for the best, Walk through the entire day beforehand.

First, we’ll walk to your classroom together. Your teacher, Mrs. Johnson, will be at the door. You’ll find your cubby with your name on it. There’ll be lots of new friends to meet, and you might feel a little nervous. That’s totally normal. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember you can take three deep breaths or ask your teacher for help.

And at lunchtime, I’ve packed your favorite sandwich. And after school, I’ll be waiting for you. Right where we practiced a pickup. Okay, let’s say you’ve got an upcoming doctor’s appointment. Let’s talk about how front loading transforms those dreaded doctor visits. Instead of springing it on your child, try this.

Tomorrow we’re going to visit Dr. Smith. First, we’ll check in at the front desk and sit in the waiting room. You can bring your favorite book to read. Then the nurse will call your name and measure how tall you’ve grown. Dr. Smith will use her special stethoscope to listen to your heart. And it might feel a little cold, but that’s okay.

If anything feels uncomfortable, you can squeeze your hand or tell me you need a break. Let’s practice that now. Bedtime routines. Oh, bedtime. Oh, that’s a big one, isn’t it? Here’s how front loading can transform some of those bedtime battles. You might say, After dinner, we’re going to have 30 minutes of playtime.

When the timer goes off, it’s time for bath. Then we’ll put on pajamas, brush teeth, and read two stories. When the stories are done, we’ll have time for three hugs and two kisses before the lights go out. If you need water, ask before the stories because once we start reading, we’re going to stay in bed.

Maybe you want to front load for sporting events like I quickly learned to do. Whether it’s a practice or a big game, front loading helps manage expectations and nerves. When we get to the field, you’re going to have time to warm up with your team. During the game, there might be times you’re on the bench.

That’s normal and gives you a chance to cheer for your teammates. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, even the pros. So if you’re feeling frustrated, try taking those deep breaths that we practiced. Family gatherings, these can be overwhelming for kids, right? Try this. At grandma’s house, there are going to be a lot of people who want to say hello.

Some you might remember, some you might not. You don’t have to hug anyone you don’t want to. A friendly wave works well. Let’s practice that now. If it feels too loud or you need a break, we can go to a quiet spot we talked about, the reading nook upstairs. And after dinner, you can play with your cousins in the backyard, and we’ll be leaving right after dessert, so don’t be surprised.

When I say it’s time to go. And let me give you one last example. Transitioning between parents for our co parenting families. Transitions can be smoother with front loading. Right? You might say to your son, Tomorrow you’re going to go to Dad’s house. We’ll pack your favorite stuffed animal and the new book you’ve been reading.

Dad said he’s planning to make tacos for dinner. Those are your favorites, so that should be fun. And remember, you can always call me to say goodnight. And then on Sunday, when I pick you up, we’ll go for pancakes. Now here’s something fascinating that many parents in the hive discover. Front loading isn’t just powerful for our kids.

It’s a game changer for us parents too. So think about it. Back to my favorites. NFL player of all time, TB12. Just like Tom Brady and the Patriots practicing that two minute drill every day. When we, as parents, front load the situations, we’re actually practicing our own game plan. We’re building our own parenting muscle memory for those challenging moments.

And I cannot tell you how useful and helpful this is. So I want to take a minute here to break down exactly how frontloading helps us parents stay regulated and confident. First off, frontloading helps us get crystal clear about our expectations and our limits before we’re in the heat of the moment.

Here’s something crucial I need you to know. You’re making these decisions when you’re calm and regulated. And when you do this, this is your best investment in parenting with pause and respond versus react. You know that, that corporate saying? Or that famous saying that proper planning prevents poor performance.

Well, I’m convinced that whoever came up with that must have been an expert at front loading because proper planning prevents poor performance. is really what front loading is all about. Take an example of wanting to get your kids out of the pool. Your kid is having the time of their life in the pool at a birthday party, but it’s time to leave.

Without front loading, this is often when we end up yelling, bribing, or threatening because we’re stressed and we’re caught off guard by their resistance and maybe even embarrassed because they’re not listening to us. But what if, like Tom Brady, practicing that two minute drill, you’ve mentally practiced this scenario?

You’ve thought through exactly how you’ll give warnings. What words you’ll use. What your child might need to transition successfully. Maybe you’ve even communicated this plan to your child before the party. Now when that stressful moment comes, you don’t have to think about what to do. You can stay calm and execute the game plan that you’ve already rehearsed in your mind and communicated to your child, just like Tom Brady did in those crucial final minutes.

And here’s what’s really powerful. Even when things don’t go exactly as planned, when the curveball comes, and let’s be honest, it will, you’re much less likely to get triggered. By the curve ball or unexpected wrinkles. Why? Because you front loaded. You’re less likely to get trapped in your middle brain and storm alongside your kid.

You’re less likely to throw out threats and punishments and demands and move into command and compliance. You’re more likely to stay in cooperation and connection. And think about what a great thing this is to model for our children, staying regulated even when things don’t go as planned. The second reason I’m such a big believer in frontloading is because frontloading is your secret weapon against decision fatigue.

Think about it. How many decisions do you make in a day as an adult, as a parent? Hundreds, right? When you’ve already decided and communicated your plan, you’re not exhausting yourself, making constant decisions in the moment. You’re not falling back on threats and punishments when your kids aren’t cooperating just because you’ve already got your playbook ready to go and you’ve practiced it.

You’ve practiced the two minutes offense. Third, and this is huge, front loading helps us stay consistent. When we’ve thought through situations in advance and communicated our plan to our children, We’re much, much, much, much more likely. To stick to our decisions, our limits, and follow through. It really reduces second guessing yourself in the moment.

And lastly, I want to share with you the reason that this practice is so important. Because research shows us that this is quite literally how the brain relearns. Front loading is so good, right? It feels like the magic tool. that maybe you’ve been missing in your peaceful parenting toolbox. So I want you to do something right now.

Grab your phone or a piece of paper and write down three situations. And I really want you to do this. This is a game changer. Write down the three top situations that consistently create stress in your family. Maybe it’s the morning routine. Maybe it’s after school. Maybe it’s transitioning between activities.

Maybe it’s those birthday party exits. Maybe it’s bedtime. I want you to write down the top three situations that create constant stress in your family. Got it? Okay. Here’s your homework for this week. And yes, I’m serious about this. This is a game changer. Take those three situations you just wrote down and create a simple.

Front loading script for each one. Just like Tom Brady’s playbooks, your script should be clear and specific. The New England Patriots kept things very basic in their two minute offense. Often they would find a play that worked, and they would run it over and over and over again, which was typically 10 or 20 yards up the middle to Julian Edelman, or a quick throw to Rob Gronkowski.

So when you’re creating these scripts, you want to be clear and specific. So that’s homework. Task number one for each of the three scenarios. Number two, practice these scripts. Actually say them out loud when you’re alone, just like the Patriots practice their two minute drill. You need to practice your front loading plays.

And then number three, implement at least one this week and notice the difference it makes. Pay attention to both your regulation and your child’s response. Okay, if this is resonating with you big time and you’re thinking yes, this is exactly what I need But I need help creating the front loading strategies for my family.

Well, you my friend are in luck I want to invite you to join us inside the hive in the hive. We work together you and I personally to create front loading scripts for your specific family situations We dive into understanding your child’s triggers and creating proactive strategies that actually work in the real world.

Just like Tom Brady didn’t become the master of the two minute drill overnight, becoming skilled at front loading takes practice and support. And in The Hive, you’re going to get that practice and support. You’ll get expert coaching, practical tools, and a community of parents who are learning and growing alongside you.

Now, as we wrap up today, I want you to remember the front loading isn’t just about avoiding problems. It’s about building connection, trust, and capability in our children and ourselves. When we take the time to prepare for challenging situations, we’re giving both ourselves and our children the tools we need to handle life’s challenges and confidence.

Just like those 58 game winning drives Brady led, your parenting wins won’t happen by accident. That’s not how this works. Your parenting wins come from preparation, practice, and a willingness to show up ready for those crucial moments. You’ve got this. I know you do. And I will be with you every step of the way.

Okay, until next time, I’m wishing you

Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit ThePeacefulParent. com. See you soon!

 

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About the author

Lisa Smith

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