Ep #230: 10 Signs You’re Ready for Parent Coaching

Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach Lisa Smith as she gives you actionable step-by-step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation.

Let’s dive in.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to today’s episode. I am so grateful to be with you here today. You know, 20 years ago, if someone had told me I would one day be a parent coach, or that I would’ve needed parent coaching myself, I probably would’ve laughed, not because I thought I had it all figured out, in fact, far from that, but because I didn’t even know what parent coaching was, if you’d asked me back then I would’ve told you.

There was absolutely no way. I would pay someone to help me learn to parent. I mean, how hard could it be, right? I love my son. I have good intentions. Surely that would be enough. But here’s what I discovered, and maybe you’re discovering this too. Parenting is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do, and sometimes love and good intentions aren’t enough.

When you’re standing in the kitchen at 7:00 PM your kid is having their third meltdown of the day. And you feel like you’re just about to lose it, right? When I finally asked for help, it was the single best thing I ever did for myself, for Malcolm, and for our family. And today I wanna share with you why.

Here’s something fascinating. The research is telling us parenting is literally a period of brain development, not just for our children, which I know I talk about all the time, but for us too. Parenting influences children’s brain development and also shapes how we as the parents think about our own life experiences.

But what’s equal amazing is that our brains are rewiring and developing new neuropathways as we navigate this parenting journey. So I realized that in this incredible season of growth, we have a unique opportunity to expand and become better humans. As we’re parenting our kids. But here’s the thing, it can also be a time where we feel completely overwhelmed, unable to grasp the new ideas around the kind of parenting we actually want to achieve.

And here’s where support becomes essential. Coaching is an invitation to do things differently. So with that in mind, today, I want to talk to you. About 10 signs that you guess you might be ready for parent coaching support. And I invite you to listen with curiosity, not judgment. This isn’t about failing.

It’s about growing. Lemme tell you a story that happened quite a few years ago. Malcolm came home from school one day and I could see it immediately. You know the look when your kid walks through the door. And you can just tell they’re carrying something heavy. He was upset about something at school, and I could feel old patterns in me wanting to kick in.

Part of me wanting to immediately jump into fix it mode. What happened? Who do I need to call? How do I solve this? But instead, I did something I learned through my own coaching journey years ago. I got curious instead of furious, I took a minute to regulate myself. I told him I needed to get something out of the car, and the walk gave me some time to gather myself and think.

When I came back, instead of bombarding him with questions, I simply looked at him and said, this looks hard. I’m here when you’re ready. And you know what happened? After a bit, he came to me. We talked, we problem solved together. Then we had a conversation about values and respect. Not because I lectured him, but because the moment was right.

That interaction, it happened years ago. But I’ve carried the lesson with me the entire time that my initial reaction isn’t always my best one. I’ve learned that there are tools and strategies that can help me show up and be the calm, responsive parent that I wanna be instead of the reactive parent. But here’s the real thing I want you to hear from this story.

I didn’t figure this out on my own. I had support, I had coaching. I had a community of other parents who were also trying to do things differently. Remember, coaching is an invitation to do things differently. So let’s talk about the signs that you might be ready to accept this invitation. And as I go through these, I want you to notice which one makes you think, oh my gosh, that’s me.

Sign one. You’re easily agitated and have a hard time responding with calm and self-regulation. Does this sound familiar? Your kids are bickering. Someone spills juice on the floor. Homework time becomes a battle, and suddenly you’re done. You’re yelling before you even realize what’s happening. This was me for years and here’s what I’ve learned.

Yelling isn’t a parenting strategy. It’s a nervous system response. When we can’t regulate ourselves, we can’t help our kids regulate either. So the loop just keeps circling round and round and round. Sign two, you know what kind of parent you wanna be. You understand the ideas that make sense to you, but you can’t seem to use those ideas in everyday situations with your kids.

Okay, this one hits deep, doesn’t it? Come on. You’ve read the books, you followed the Instagram accounts. You know the connection should come before correction. You know that kids need empathy when they’re struggling, but then your 4-year-old has a meltdown in Target or hits her brother, and instead of getting curious about what’s happening, you find yourself saying, stop it right now, and we’re leaving.

There’s nothing wrong with you. You need practice translating the theory into real world moments, and you need support. I get it. Sign number three. You have a hard time setting boundaries and often resort to threats and bribes instead. Sounds like if you don’t clean your room, no iPad for a week, or maybe if you’re good at the store, we’ll get an ice cream afterwards.

Listen, we’ve all been there, but threats and bribes don’t teach kids internal motivation. They teach kids to perform for external rewards or avoid consequences. It’s transactional parenting. It doesn’t work in the long haul, and then our kids turn it back around on us and it doesn’t feel good. Sign number four.

You’ve invested in many things for your kids, tutors, activities, birthday parties, lessons. You haven’t invested in yourself and your parenting. This one really makes you think, doesn’t it? We’ll spend hundreds of dollars on piano lessons or a tutor, but we hesitate to invest in learning how to communicate better with our children.

Here’s the truth, the best give you can give your kids is in another activity or toy. A parent who knows how to stay calm during the hard moments, who can guide them through big emotions and who can create a home where everyone feels heard and valued. Sign number five. You feel alone in this parenting journey and would love to have a community who’s also trying to parent without punishments.

Parenting can feel so isolating, especially when you’re trying to do things differently than how you were raised. Maybe your friends think you’re too soft, or your family doesn’t understand why you won’t just use timeouts. Listen, you need your people, parents who get it, who are also committed to connection over control.

Sign number six, you see the stress that occurs in your family during hard moments, and you wanna find ways to have more peace and calm. Every family has hard moments, every family. But when those moments consistently escalate into chaos, when bedtime is a battle, every night when homework ends in tears, when you’re getting out the door in the morning, feels like you’ve run a marathon, that’s your family’s system telling you something needs to shift something.

Sign number seven, you feel like you have no choice to yell because it’s the only time they listen, and yet you hate yelling and threatening. This one breaks my heart because I know this feeling so well. I know how committed you are to not yelling. You don’t wanna yell. You feel terrible afterwards, but it seems like the only thing that gets your kids’ attention.

Here’s what I want you to know. You kids don’t need you to be louder. They need you to be clear. They need consistent boundaries held with calm confidence. Now let me share some more signs that I see all the time. Sign number eight, you’re repeating patterns from your own childhood that you swore you’d never do.

Maybe you heard criticism constantly growing up, and now you catch yourself saying, why can’t you just listen the first time? Or maybe you experienced this silent treatment and now you find yourself shutting down when your kids disrespect you. Breaking generational patterns is hard, work hard, and it’s often.

The most successful with support and strategies to create new pathways. Number nine, you feel disconnected from your child and you wanna rebuild that bond. This can happen for so many reasons. Maybe you have a stressful job. Maybe you’ve been focused on their behavior. Maybe you’re just caught up in the daily grind.

Maybe you’re in an unhappy marriage. Maybe you have financial problems. All of this is leading to a disconnection from your kid, but when you realize we’re more like roommates than family, when conversations feel tense and surface level, when your child seems to prefer everyone else over you, I want you to know that that disconnection can be repaired.

You can be connected with your kids at any age, and sign number 10. Your child has big emotions. I mean big, and you don’t know how to help him navigate those feelings. When your kid melts down over seemingly small things, the wrong colored cup, socks that feel weird, plans changing, being out of peanut butter, and you find yourself either trying to talk them out of their feelings or getting frustrated by their intensity.

Our kids need us to be their emotional guides. That’s the truth. Most of us were never taught how to handle big emotions, ours or theirs. So take a moment right now and ask yourself, which of these signs resonated with you? Which one, two, or maybe all made you think? Yeah, that’s exactly what’s happening in my house.

There’s no shame in recognizing yourself in these signs. In fact, it takes incredible courage and self-awareness to admit when you need support. So here’s your homework this week. First, go back through those 10 signs we talked about. Write down the top three that resonated most with you. Don’t judge ’em, just notice ’em.

Then ask yourself this question. If I could wave a magic wand and change one thing about our family dynamics, what would it be? Your answer will tell you to focus first, then consider this. What would it feel like to have support, to not figure this out alone? To have tools that actually work and inside a community that gets it?

Hmm. As I said earlier, coaching is an invitation to do things differently. It really is. And if you’re ready to accept the invitation, if any of those signs spoke to you today, if you’re tired of the yelling, guilt, repeat cycle. If you wanna create a peaceful, connected home you’ve always dreamed of, I invite you to join us inside the hive.

In the hive. I teach parents how to break these cycles and create a peaceful home. A peaceful home they’ve always wanted. Using personalized strategies created just for you. You’ll get live coaching, practical tools and a community of parents are on the same journey. And here’s the beautiful thing, it’s just $37 a month that’s about the cost of a family dinner out for less than what most families spend on a meal out.

You can get the support and tools that will transform your entire family dynamic. So if this speaks to you. I want you to go to the hive coaching.com to learn more and join us. You do not have to figure this out alone. Now, I know what some of you might be thinking as a parent coach. I’ve heard these objections so many times.

One might be, I can’t afford coaching. I get it. Money is tight for so many families. Here’s what I want you to consider. What is the cost of not getting support? What is the cost of continuing to yell and feeling guilty? That has a cost too, that guilt. What is the cost of your child growing up? Feeling criticized or misunderstood?

What is the cost of a family that’s constantly stressed? And remember the hive is just $37 a month. Sometimes the most expensive thing we can do is nothing. Now maybe you’re thinking, I like the sound of the hive, but girl, I don’t have time for coaching. And here’s my response, friend. You don’t have time not to get support.

How much time are you currently spending on the power struggles? How much time goes into managing meltdowns? How much time do you spend feeling guilty after the hard moments? Coaching doesn’t add more to your plate. It helps you handle what’s already on your plate more effectively. Let me say that again.

Coaching doesn’t add more to your plate. It helps you handle what’s already on your plate more effectively. It’s so good, right? Maybe you’re thinking, but I’m pretty smart. I should be able to figure this out myself. And here’s my answer, says who? Did anyone teach you how to handle a defiant 5-year-old?

Did your high school or college curriculum include how to stay calm when your teenager rolls their eyes? We don’t expect people to perform surgery without medical school. We don’t expect people to practice law without law school or wire a fuse box without being an electrician, but somehow we think we should intuitively know how to handle every parenting challenge.

Right. Think about that. Okay. And one I hear all the time, my kid is the problem, not me. This one’s tricky because I know it can feel that way when your child is the one having the meltdowns fighting with their sibling all the time, refusing to cooperate or pushing every boundary, it’s natural to think they’re the one that needs the focus or the change.

But here’s what I’ve learned. We can’t control our kids’ behavior, but we can guide, coach, and influence it. And the most powerful way we influence it is by changing how we show up, what we model for our kids. When we learn to stay regulated, our kids learn regulation. When we learn to set boundaries with calm confidence, our kids feel safer.

When we learn to get curious instead of furious, our kids feel seen and understood. Let me paint a picture for you of what’s possible when you get the right support. Imagine bedtime doesn’t end in tears, yours or theirs. Imagine homework time that’s actually collaborative instead of combative. Imagine your child coming to you when they’re struggling instead of shutting down or acting out.

Imagine feeling confident in those hard parenting moments instead of reactive. Imagine having tools that actually work instead of just hoping for the best. This isn’t fantasy. This is what happens when you get the support you need. Just last week, a mom and our Hive community shared. I used to dread 3:00 PM when my kids got home from school because I knew I’d end up yelling about homework.

Now, my daughter actually asks for help when she’s stuck, and our afternoons are more peaceful. I never knew this was possible. Another parent told me, my son used to storm to his room and slam the door whenever he was upset. Now he comes and finds me because he knows I’ll listen without trying to fix everything immediately.

These families didn’t get a new set of kids. They got a new set of tools. Here’s what I want you to remember. Asking for help isn’t about admitting failure. It’s about choosing growth. It’s saying, I love my family enough to learn new ways of doing things. Your kids don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who are willing to grow, to learn, to repair when things go wrong and to keep showing up with connection.

That’s exactly what you’re already doing by listening to this episode. You’re choosing growth. You are choosing to do things differently. I’m here to support you every step of the way. So until next time, I’m wishing you Peaceful Parenting. Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit the peaceful parent.com.

See you soon.