Ep #249: Discipline Without Damage Part 2

Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach Lisa Smith as she gives you actionable step-by-step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation.

Let’s dive in.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to today’s episode. I am so grateful to be with you here today. Tomorrow morning, Thursday, October 16th at 9:00 AM Pacific Discipline Without Damage Starts, and if you haven’t registered yet, tonight at midnight is your last chance. And if you have already registered, this episode is gonna help you get the most out of tomorrow’s class.

I’ve been getting questions all week from parents who are on the fence and from parents who’ve already signed up and wanna know what to expect. So today I am answering the most common questions I’m hearing. Whether you’re deciding if this class is right for you or you’re RD in and wondering how to prepare, today’s episode is for you.

So let’s dive in. Question number one, will this work for my teenager? Yes. And here’s why. Power struggles actually intensify with teenagers when they feel controlled. Think about it. Your teen is developmentally wired to seek autonomy. That’s not defiance or disrespect, that’s brain development. And when we use power over parenting tactics with teens, yelling, threatening, grounding them for weeks, it triggers their need for independence and autonomy even more.

They dig in harder, they lie more, they hide from you. But using power with parenting techniques, that actually works better with teenagers because when we set clear limits. While respecting their growing autonomy, when you say, here’s the boundary and here’s why it matters, and I trust you to work within it, they respond not perfectly, not immediately, but over time they start cooperating because they feel respected, not controlled.

In tomorrow’s class, we’ll be covering exactly how to set limits with teens that honor their need for autonomy while keeping them safe. Another question you might be wondering is, what if my child has a DHD, autism or sensory issues? Well, these kids especially need the approach I’m teaching you tomorrow.

Here’s why. Kids with A DHD, autism sensory processing challenges, their nervous systems are already working over time. They’re already dysregulated more than neurotypical kids. And when we layer fear-based parenting on top of that. Yelling, threatening, punishing, and anger. We’re adding fuel to a fire that’s already blazing, but when we set clear, calm, predictable limits, when we remove the emotional volatility from punishing, their nervous systems can actually settle.

They know what to expect. They feel safe. And paradoxically, they can follow rules better because they’re not constantly in fight or flight mode. Tomorrow’s class includes specific strategies for neurodivergent kids because I know many of you are parenting children whose brains work differently and they deserve an approach that works with their wiring not against it.

Okay. You might be wondering, I wanna sign up, but what if I can’t make it live tomorrow? That’s okay. You’ll get the replay. Everyone who registers gets full access to the recording, but. I wanna be really honest with you here. Live is better and here’s why. Tomorrow I’m doing realtime coaching, I’m going to ask for volunteers to bring their actual scenarios, their bedtime battles, their homework wars, their screen time battles, their teenager pushes back on everything.

And I’m gonna coach you through it live. And when you watch that coaching happen in real time, something clicks that doesn’t always click the same way when you’re watching a replay. You’ll see yourself in their struggles. You’ll get clarity on your situation by watching me work with their situation.

You’ll have aha moments that happen really well in that live environment. Plus during the live class, you can ask questions in the chat. You can get your specific situation addressed. So if there’s any way you can carve out 90 minutes tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM Pacific, 10 Mountain 11 Central and 12 Eastern.

Even if you have to lock yourself in your car, in the driveway or hide in your bedroom, I highly encourage you to show up live. And if you truly can’t, the replay will still be available. I’ve gotten quite a few emails asking, what if my partner or co-parent isn’t on board with this approach? Well, this is a common concern and I wanna normalize it for you.

You can’t control how your partner parents, you can’t force them to take this class or change their approach. But here’s what I know from coaching thousands of families when one parent won just one. When you shift your approach and start seeing results when bedtime gets easier for you, when the power struggles decrease, when your kid starts coming to you instead of hiding the other parent notices and gets curious, they might not admit it at first.

They might even criticize your approach. But when they see it working, they start asking questions. They start following your lead, and they start changing their parenting. Not always, and not in every family, but often enough that it’s worth trying. And here’s the other truth, even one regulated parent changes the entire family system.

When you, yes, you stop yelling when you set calm limits. When you respond instead of react, you are changing the emotional temperature of your home. And everyone benefits from that, even if your partner is still doing things the old way. And if you come to tomorrow’s class live, you can ask me specific questions on how to navigate this exact situation, how to stay consistent with your approach even when your co-parent isn’t on the same page.

So I’ll see you there. Okay. Another question that comes up all the time is, is it too late? Have I already damaged the relationship with my kid? And the honest answer is no, it’s never too late. I promise. Kids are resilient. Relationships can be repaired, trust can be rebuilt. I’ve worked with parents who’ve been yelling for years, parents who’ve said things they deeply regret.

Parents who, teenagers barely speak to them, and I’ve watched relationships heal. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes consistency, humility, and a genuine commitment to do things differently, but it absolutely can happen. Tomorrow we’re gonna talk about repair. How to acknowledge the harm you’ve done without drowning and shame how to rebuild trust while still setting boundaries, because here’s the thing.

Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be willing to grow, and the fact that you’re even considering this class tells me you’re that kind of parent. Now, for all of you in the back who are wondering, isn’t this just permissive parenting? Won’t my kids walk all over me? Discipline without damage, Lisa?

I mean, come on. No, absolutely not. Capital N, capital O, this is not permissive parenting. Let me be really clear about this. Permissive parenting is when there are no boundaries, no limits, no consequences or boundaries are set and not followed through on when kids make all the decisions and parents are afraid to say no, and that is not what I teach.

That is not what tomorrow’s class is about. What I teach is firm and kind. Boundaries stay. Expectations stay, consequences stay. What changes is how you deliver them. You deliver them with a strong spine and a soft heart instead of yelling, you stay calm. Instead of threatening consequences you won’t follow through on.

You set realistic limits ahead of time instead of punishing in anger. You guide with empathy while still holding the line. And when you do this, your kids will actually respect you more, not less, because respect doesn’t come from fear. It comes from trust. It comes from knowing. You mean what you say and that you’ll follow through calmly and consistently.

Tomorrow’s class is all about how to be the firm confident leader of your home without using fear or intimidation. Or maybe you’re in the back thinking, I’ve tried gentle parenting and it didn’t work on my strong-willed kid. I hear this all the time, and here’s what’s usually happening. Most gentle parenting advice, which I don’t call my work at all.

Is built for compliant kids. For kids who naturally want to please adults who respond well to explanations and redirection, but strong-willed kids, they need something a little different. They need the spicy salsa instead of the mild. They need structure plus connection. They need firm boundaries delivered with empathy.

They need to understand the why behind the roles, not just be told to follow them. And honestly, a lot of gentle parenting advice fails strong-willed kids because it’s too soft on boundaries and too heavy on explanation. Your strong-willed kid doesn’t need a 20 minute lecture about why hitting is wrong.

They need a clear, calm consequence that’s enforced every single time. Tomorrow’s class is specifically designed for parents of strong-willed kids. Because that’s who I’ve been coaching for years. That’s my specialty and that’s my son. If Gentle Parenting hasn’t worked for you, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong, it’s because you haven’t found the approach that works for you and your kid, and that’s what we’re covering tomorrow.

Now, if you’re already registered for tomorrow’s class, first of all, I’m so proud of you. You’re taking the first step towards breaking the yelling cycle. You’re investing in yourself and your family, and honestly, that takes courage. Now, here’s how to get the most out of tomorrow. Number one, show up live.

Yeah, you’ll get the replay, but live coaching is where the magic happens. When I coach parents through their real scenarios in real time, everyone learns. You’ll see yourself in their struggles, and you’ll get clarity that you won’t get from watching a recording later. Clear 90 minutes of your schedule tomorrow.

Lock yourself in the bathroom. If you have to put your phone on, do not disturb. Give yourself permission to be fully present. Your family will benefit from these 90 minutes more than anything else you could do tomorrow morning. Number two, have your consequences ready. Remember the homework from episode 2 48.

If you did, pull it out. We’re gonna workshop these together tomorrow. If you haven’t done it yet, do it tonight. It’s simple. Pick one consequence you’ve threatened recently over and over and over again and rewrite it as a calm if thin limit. Ask yourself, is it realistic? Can I enforce it every time? Is it age appropriate?

Does it connect to a family value? Can I deliver and follow through calmly? Write it down and bring it tomorrow. Number three, come with one specific scenario you’re struggling with. Your bedtime battle, your homework war, your toddler who pushes back on everything, your bedtime battle, your homework war, your toddler who hits their sibling, your teenager who pushes back on everything.

Be ready to share if I ask for volunteers during the live coaching. The more specific you are, the more valuable the coaching will be, not just for you, but for everyone watching. Number four, bring a notebook. This isn’t a passive webinar or class where you just sit and listen. This is a working class.

You’re gonna wanna write down examples and notes and ideas and statements and aha moments. You’re gonna wanna take notes on the frameworks that I’m teaching, have something to write with and be ready to go. And number five, come with an open mind. Some of what I teach tomorrow might feel uncomfortable at first.

It might challenge patterns you’ve had for years. You might think, but what about respect? But my parents would’ve never let me do that. I’m going to ask you to set those thoughts aside for 90 minutes and just be willing to try something different. And I’m gonna ask this because what you’ve been doing isn’t working.

If it was you wouldn’t be registered. So come ready to learn. Come ready to grow and come ready to hear some things differently. Alright, let’s bring this home. If you’re still on the fence about registering, I want you to ask yourself one question. What’s the cost of not showing up tomorrow? What’s the cost?

What’s the cost of another week of feeling guilty from yelling? Another week of power struggles that leave you both exhausted, another week of your child hiding from you instead of coming to you when they mess up? Registration closes tonight at midnight and after that. The opportunity’s gone, so go to the peaceful parent.com/class right now.

That’s the peaceful parent.com/class and save your spot, and if you’re already registered, well done. I’ll see you tomorrow at 9:00 AM Pacific 10 Mountain 11 central and New Eastern Time. Come ready to work. Come ready to transform. How you parent? Come ready to break the cycle. This is your moment. This is your chance to do things differently.

Don’t let it pass you by. I’ll see you tomorrow and I’m wishing you peaceful parenting.

Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit the peaceful parent.com. See you soon.