Ep #256: Exhausted, Guilty, and Out of Tools? This Is For You.

Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach Lisa Smith as she gives you actionable step-by-step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation.

Let’s dive in.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to today’s episode. I am really excited to be with you here today because in a few days, on Tuesday, December 9th at 9:00 AM Pacific Time, 10:00 AM Mountain 11 central and New Eastern discipline without damage is gonna start. And if you’re listening to this episode, maybe you fall into one in two categories.

Maybe you’re either already registered and wondering what to expect. You’re on the fence trying to decide if this class is worth your time. Or maybe you’re sitting there thinking, I wanna sign up, but I’ve tried classes before. I’ve tried to change my parenting and I failed. And what if this doesn’t work either?

And that last question, that’s what I wanna talk about today because I know what it’s like to feel stuck in a pattern. You can’t seem to break. I know what it’s like to promise yourself. You’ll stop yelling and then yell again the next day. I know what it’s like to read all the books and try all the strategies and still feel like you’re failing.

And I know what it’s like to wonder, what if I’m just not cut out for this? What if I can’t change or get it right? And I want to tell you something really important. You’re in the thick of it right now. December is here. Chances are the holiday chaos has already begun. As you’re listening to this, you’re managing, shopping, cooking, travel, family expectations.

Maybe you’re spending money you don’t really have on gifts to exchange. Maybe your kids are overstimulated and melting down more than usual, and your patience is running thin. And maybe way in the back of your mind, you might be thinking. Well, the truth is this is the worst time to try something new. I should just survive the holidays and figure this out in January.

Yeah. Okay. But here’s what I want you to consider. What if taking 90 minutes to attend this class is exactly what you need to thrive during the holidays without constant yelling and guilt? We’re not talking about survive. We’re talking about thrive. What if learning these new tools now means you and your kids actually get to enjoy December instead of dreading it?

What if this is your moment today, I’m gonna walk you through exactly what you can expect in Tuesday’s class, and I’m gonna address the voice in your head that’s saying, what if I show up and nothing changes? Yeah. Okay. Let’s dive in. I wanna give you today a behind the scenes look at what actually happens during discipline without damage.

Because you see, this isn’t just another passive webinar where you’re gonna sit and listen. This is a working class. This is where transformation begins. While we’re together on the class, here’s how the class will unfold. The first 10 minutes, we’re gonna create safety. I start by naming the pain. I say out loud what you’ve been feeling, but maybe haven’t said, I’m tired of yelling.

I feel like I’m failing as a parent, my kid doesn’t listen unless I lose it. I’ve tried everything and nothing works, and when I say these words, something happens in the zoom room, you realize you’re not alone. You realize other parents, smart, loving, committed parents are struggling with the exact same things.

And so this allows us to create no judgment, no shame, just a place to come and realize the truth. It’s a safe place to be imperfect. Then in the next 15 minutes, I tell you my story. I share with you vulnerably about my own childhood. The moment I sat in the backyard with a friend and I said, kids are people too, you know, because I was being yelled at.

So horribly, and I knew even as a child that something was deeply wrong. I share about the patterns. I repeated with Malcolm when he was little, how I found myself yelling, threatening and punishing anger, and doing exactly what had been done to me and how devastated I was that I was repeating the patterns.

And then I tell you about the day that changed everything. The bedtime battle where I finally asked Malcolm, what’s making this hard for you? Instead of demanding compliance, this shift from power over to power with this isn’t just teaching. This is vulnerable. Real storytelling, because I want you to know I’ve been where you are and I found a way through it, and I wanna help you find your way.

That’s my whole goal of the class, is to help you find your way through it. Then over the next 20 minutes, I’m gonna teach you my framework. This is where we dive into the why what you’ve been doing hasn’t worked, not because you’re a bad parent, but honestly because power over tactics don’t work with strong-willed kids.

I teach you the difference between power over and power with I teach you why yelling, threatening, and punishing in the moment triggers your strong-willed kids. Oppositional reflex. I explain what’s happening in their brain when they push back and what’s happening in your brain when you lose your cool.

And then I give you the roadmap, how to set limits ahead of time so you’re not making up consequences and anger. How do you use consequences? So your child learns from their choices, not from your punishment and how to problem solve collaboratively. So your strong-willed kid feels heard. While still respecting your boundaries and limits, that’s the meat of the class.

This is where you’re gonna start thinking, oh, that’s why nothing’s been working and this is what I need to do instead. Yes, exactly. In the framework portion. And then over the next about 25 minutes, I do live coaching, and this is where it gets real. I ask for volunteers. Parents bring their actual scenarios.

My 4-year-old won’t stay in bed. My 10-year-old lies about homework. My teenager breaks curfew and doesn’t seem to care, and I coach them through it right there in real time. I ask questions. I help them see what their kid might actually be communicating. I help ’em reframe the consequence, and I give him the exact words to say, and here’s what’s powerful.

Even if your scenario isn’t the one being coached, you can find yourself in everyone being coached. You learn by watching and listening. You see how I think through these situations. You see examples of how power width works in practice. You have aha moments about your family and your kids while watching me coach someone else’s.

This is why coaching matters. This is what you’re not gonna get from reading a book or watching reels on Instagram, or maybe even watching a teaching prerecorded webinar. And then the final 10 minutes, we’re gonna set your action plan. We’re gonna end with clarity. I’m gonna give you three specific things to practice in the coming week, not 20, not everything at once, just three.

Because sustainable change happens in small steps, not giant leaps, you are gonna leave our time together with a power with framework that makes sense, specific tools you can use that day. Clarity on your next three steps, and most importantly, hope. Hope that this doesn’t have to be your reality forever.

Hope the change is possible and hope that you can become the parent. You wanna be. Now let me address what I know some of you are thinking right now. Lisa, this sounds great, but I’ve tried to change before. I’ve read the gentle parenting books I’ve promised myself, I’d stop yelling and it’ll last for about a day, and then that’s it.

What if I show up on Tuesday and I’m still the same? Well, I wanna be honest with you. You’re not gonna walk outta Tuesday’s class and never yell again. You’re not gonna suddenly be a perfect parent who handles every situation with calm and grace and looks like she or he’s on a Hallmark Christmas movie.

That’s not what this class promises. Here’s what it does, promise clarity. Right now you’re stuck in a pattern and you don’t fully understand why it’s not working. You might be thinking, maybe I’m just not patient enough. Maybe my kid is too difficult. Maybe I’m not cut out for this. On Tuesday, you’re gonna understand the real problem.

It’s not that you’re not patient enough, it’s that power over parenting triggers your strong-willed kids’ defiance. It’s not that your kid is too difficult, it’s not that they need a different approach. It’s not that you’re not cut out for this. It’s that you’ve been using the wrong framework, and when you have clarity on why you’re stuck, you can begin the process of getting unstuck.

Right now, every challenging moment probably feels like you’re starting from scratch, or you’re winging it, or you’re reacting and hoping for the best. But after Tuesday, you’re getting a framework, a decision making process, a way of thinking about discipline that works so that the next time your child pushes back, you won’t be guessing or reacting or flailing.

You’ll have a roadmap. You’re gonna walk away with three specific strategies, as I mentioned, not 20 things to remember. We’re not redecorating the entire house. This is not a complete overhaul of your entire parenting approach. Just three concrete tools that you can use in the coming weeks through the month of December.

And here’s what I want you to know about change. Change doesn’t happen in 90 minutes. In 90 minutes, you can get the clarity and the tools that make change possible. I have a story I wanna share with you. After the last time I taught this class In October, a mom named Jennifer joined the Hive. She admitted she had been skeptical about signing up for the class.

She said, I tried gentle parenting before and it hadn’t worked with my strong-willed 8-year-old son, but she was desperate. So she showed up live on the class. Here’s what she said. I didn’t leave. The class magically transformed, but I did finally understand why what I’d been doing wasn’t working. And for the first time in years, I felt hope not because everything was suddenly easy, but because I had a path forward.

Within two weeks of joining the Hive and implementing what she learned in the class, Jennifer shares that her relationship with her strong-willed. 8-year-old son has completely shifted, not because he suddenly became compliant, but because she stopped trying to control him. She stopped using power over and started leading him with power width, power width instead of power over, and he responded beautifully.

That’s what’s possible, not overnight. Not without coaching, not without practice, not without support, but absolutely completely possible. Let me be really clear about what you’re walking away with. After Tuesday’s class, number one, you’re gonna have a clear understanding of why your current approach isn’t working.

This alone is worth the 90 minutes because once you understand that power over triggers your strong-willed kids defiance. Once you see that it’s not about being tougher or softer, but about using a different framework entirely, everything makes sense and you can stop blaming yourself and you’ll stop thinking your child is broken, and you’ll stop feeling like a failure.

You’ll just realize you had the wrong tool for the job. Number two, a framework that actually fits your strong-willed. Child power width isn’t permissive. Let me say that again. It is not permissive power with is not letting your kids walk all over you. That’s called permissive power. With is strategic, it’s intentional, it’s firm and kind, and it’s built for kids who push back, who question everything, who need autonomy.

Number three, I’m gonna give you three specific strategies you can use this week and through the month of December. Not someday. Not when you’ve read more books or taken more classes this week during your next bedtime battle, during your next homework struggle, during your next power struggle, you’ll have the tools and you won’t be using them.

Perfect. You’ll mess up. You’ll forget. You’ll slip back into old patterns just like we all do, including myself, but just like me, when that happens, you’ll have something to return to. A framework to guide you, a direction to head towards. That’s what makes all the difference. Now, if you’re already registered for Tuesday’s Class, Bravo, well done.

And I am incredibly proud of you. You’re taking the first step. You’re choosing growth. You’re refusing to stay stuck. Here’s how to get the most out of our upcoming class. Show up live if you can at all. Yeah, you’re gonna get the replay. I’m here to tell you the live experience is different. The energy, the real time coaching, the ability to ask questions in the chat if you can at all.

I beg you clear. 90 minutes on Tuesday, tell your family this is a non-negotiable. Lock the bathroom door if you have to. Your family will benefit from this time more than anything else you could do on Tuesday. If you listened to last week’s episode and you did the homework, you identified one power over moment and thought about what power width would look like instead pull that out and bring it with you on Tuesday.

’cause we’re gonna use it. If you haven’t done the homework yet, that’s okay. I just want you to think of one specific scenario you’re struggling with right now. One power struggle, one recurring battle. Be ready to share. Bring a notebook. You’re gonna wanna write things down. Aha moments, things I say, light bulbs, your personal action plan and your three steps.

As I mentioned, this is not a sip and listen webinar. This is a working class. It’s like we’re taking a cooking class together. And lastly, I wanna ask you to come with an open mind. Some of what I’m gonna teach you on Tuesday might challenge the way you were raised. What you think, how you define things like respect and compliance.

And it might feel uncomfortable at first. I’m gonna be honest with you. You might think, but I was raised with power over and I turned out fine. Yeah, I get it. But you want more than fine for your kids, right? Yeah. So I’m gonna invite you to set that aside for 90 minutes and just be willing to try something different because let’s be honest.

What you’ve been doing isn’t working or you wouldn’t be here if it was, you wouldn’t have registered for the class. And I want you to come with Grace for yourself. You’re not gonna implement everything perfectly. We all mess up from time to time. That’s part of the process. Progress, not perfection always.

And if you’re still on the fence about registering, if you’re listening to this episode and thinking, ah. Should I, shouldn’t I? Let me ask you something. How many more weeks do you wanna spend in the yelling, guilt, repeat cycle? How many more bedtime battles do you wanna endure? How many more mornings do you wanna start with power struggles?

And how many more times do you wanna watch your strong-willed kid pull away from you? I’m not trying to guilt you, I’m trying to create urgency because here’s the truth. Tuesday morning is your choice, and after December 9th, I don’t know when the next time I’ll teach this classes. So I don’t want you to miss the opportunity to come and join me.

Registration is open right now. I want you to run, not walk. Run to the peaceful parent.com/class. That’s the peaceful parent.com. Slash class, and if you can’t make it live, register for the replay. Everyone who’s registered will get access to the replay. But if you can show up live, do it. Do it as they say, because live coaching realtime q and a, the energy of learning alongside other parents who get it, that’s where the breakthroughs happen.

I know you’re in the thick of the holiday chaos right now. You might be exhausted, you might feel stretched thin. Maybe you’re managing everyone else’s needs. Take 90 minutes for yourself and your family on Tuesday. It isn’t selfish. It’s essential. And honestly, I believe it’s the best gift you can give your family this season.

Tools that actually work, clarity on what to do and hope that change is possible. And I wanna end with this. If you tried to change before and it didn’t stick, it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of change. It means you didn’t have the right framework yet. Power over doesn’t work with strong-willed kids, period, power width, it changes everything.

And on Tuesday, December 9th, I’m gonna teach you exactly how to make that shift in your home with your kid during your struggles. Not in theory, not in practice, but with you, and I’ll see you there. So go to the peaceful parent.com/class right now and save your spot. Here’s what I know. Your strong-willed kid is waiting for you to lead them differently.

Not with control, but with connection. Not with fear, but with trust. Not with power over, but with power with. This is your moment. Don’t let it pass you by. I’ll see you inside the class, and until next time, I’m wishing you Peaceful parenting. Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit the peaceful parent.com.

See you soon.