Ep #198: Parenting with EQ: How Emotional Intelligence Transforms Your Family

Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach, Lisa Smith, as she gives you actionable step by step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation.

Let’s dive in. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to today’s episode. I am thrilled to be with you here today. Caught a little cold, so my voice might sound a little deeper than normal. So my apologies about that. And I will do my best to get through this episode, uh, without sounding like Kermit the frog. So I am thrilled to be with you here today because we’re going to dive into a topic that’s critical for peaceful parenting and that’s emotional intelligence.

We’ve talked about this many times and I’m sure we’ll have many more episodes on it because it is paramount paramount to staying connected and getting cooperation from our kids Emotional intelligence, you know, it’s funny. No one tells us when we become parents that suddenly We need to become experts in managing our own emotions and that we will be challenged on managing our own emotions at every turn of the corner.

Right? No one tells us that, but here’s the thing. It’s never. Never too late to show up for yourself and manage your emotions so you can show up for your kids. Let me share a quick story with you. Recently, I was working with a dad named Mike, and Mike was struggling with his 15 year old daughter’s sudden withdrawal and mood swings.

And if you’ve had a 15 year old, you know what I’m talking about. Yeah? So Mike found himself constantly frustrated, thinking, What happened to my sweet little girl? Where did she go? Conversations have become a minefield of eye rolls and slam doors. When we started exploring emotional intelligence techniques, something clicked for Mike.

He learned to pause. Before reacting, he learned to listen to what his daughter wasn’t saying out loud, and instead of immediately jumping to fix things or lecture, he started asking open ended questions and validating her feelings. One day after a particularly tense morning, Mike took a deep breath and said, Hey, I can see you’re upset.

I’m here if you want to talk, and it’s okay if you don’t right now, I’m just going to stay here with you, beside you. To his shock and awe, his daughter opened up later that evening, sharing her anxieties about school and friendships. Now, Mike and his daughter didn’t have an overnight transformation, but that moment of connection, where he was able to be emotionally intelligent, paved the way for a new understanding between them.

And I share with you this story because, I think it illustrates how emotional intelligence can be a game changer in parenting. Listen, I know this for sure. It is not capital N, capital O, capital T, bolded, underlined, and highlighted. It is not about having all the answers. It is about creating a safe space for emotions and strengthening your connection, even when it feels like your child is pulling away.

That is the moment when they’re pulling away, when they’re storming, when they’re struggling, that is the moment to double down on emotional intelligence, not pack it up and get out your own storming. Okay. All right. So what exactly is emotional intelligence in parenting? Think of it as your parenting superpower.

It’s your ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions, both your own and your kids, and it starts with managing your own. When you parent with emotional intelligence, you’re not just managing behavior, you’re nurturing your child’s emotional well being and setting them up for success in all areas of life.

Emotional intelligence isn’t a single skill, but a combination of abilities that work together. So let me break down the core components for you. Emotional intelligence is self awareness. Recognize your own emotions and how they affect your parenting. It’s self regulation. It’s managing your emotions, especially in challenging situations.

It’s holding space for other people’s emotions, even when you don’t agree with them, or you think they’re wrong, or you don’t understand them. It’s empathy, understanding, and sharing the feelings of your child. And social skills, building strong relationships and communicating effectively with your family.

Now you might be wondering, Lisa, why does emotional intelligence matter so much in parenting? Well, the benefits are far reaching. Children learn to understand and manage their own emotions by watching you, by what you model. We’ve talked about this many times. When you’re attuned to your emotions, conversations become more meaningful and productive.

Emotional intelligence fosters trust and closeness in your relationships. Research shows that emotionally intelligent parenting can reduce stress and anxiety for both the parents and the children. And having been on both sides of this, I can tell you it’s 100 percent true. And children learn how to navigate disagreements and solve problems effectively when they’re around emotionally intelligent parents.

By prioritizing emotional intelligence, you’re not just parenting, you’re preparing your child for a lifetime of emotional resilience and healthy relationships. Let me ask you, have you ever found yourself reacting to your child’s behavior without understanding the emotions behind it? Yeah, I know, we’ve all been there.

Here’s the good news. Emotional intelligence can be learned and improved at any age. It is possible for you. I promise. So now I want to share some practical strategies to nurture emotional intelligence in your family. Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to name your emotions out loud in front of your children.

I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a break and calm down. I’m feeling very angry right now, so I’m going to take a walk. To move that anger through my body. I’m feeling very sad right now. So I’m going to go and sit for a few minutes by myself. Number two, share your emotional regulation strategies.

Tell your kids when I’m upset, I go for a walk. When I don’t know what to do, I take three deep breaths. Number three, create a safe place for your kids to express their feelings. Ask open end questions like how did that situation make you feel? What happened? Take a guess as to why you did that. Make sure they understand that you are their safe person for them to express and explore their feelings.

Number four, practice active listening. Active listening. Put away your distractions. Give your kids your full attention when they’re speaking, particularly When they’re upset. Number five, validate emotions without judgment. It’s okay to feel angry. Everyone feels that way sometimes. I certainly understand why that would upset you.

I hear you that you’re really sad that I’m gonna go out to dinner. I understand that you’re really angry that you can’t keep your phone in your bedroom all night. I get it. I totally get it. Validate feelings without judgment. Don’t rationalize. Don’t explain. Don’t yeah, but. Just validate the emotions.

Number six, use stories to discuss emotions, stories, movies, books. When you read a book with your little kid at the end, ask him how they think that character might feel and why. What was that experience like for them? Number seven, encourage perspective taking. How do you think your friend felt when that happened?

Help them learn to hold space for other people. Doesn’t mean the friend is right. You’re just asking, how do you think your friend felt when that happened? How do you think I feel when blah, blah, blah happened? How do you think your brother felt? Encourage perspective taking. Remember, teaching emotional intelligence is an ongoing process.

Be patient with yourself and your children as you learn and grow together. Now, let’s turn our attention to some key behaviors to cultivate for emotionally intelligent parenting, for you. You really need to prioritize self care. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is crucial for emotional intelligence.

Set time aside for activities that truly recharge you. Practice stress management techniques. And seek support when needed. I’m always here for you. Focus on connection over compliance. Building strong emotional bonds with your kids is the goal. Spend quality one on one time with each child regularly.

Show interest in their world even if you don’t know about it or frankly aren’t really interested. Show interest and create family rituals that foster closeness. Practice empathy and validation. Empathy is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Listen without interrupting. Reflect back what you hear.

Avoid dismissing feelings. By validating your child’s emotions, you’re teaching them that all feelings are acceptable, even if certain behaviors are not. All feelings are acceptable. What we’re going to work on managing is your behaviors that come from those feelings. Implementing these behaviors consistently will create a home environment where emotional intelligence can flourish.

Remember, it’s a learning process for everyone involved. Be kind to yourself as you grow alongside your children. Now, maybe you’re thinking, Lisa, this sounds great, but what if my partner doesn’t practice emotional intelligence in parenting or at all? Or maybe you’re thinking, I didn’t grow up in an emotionally intelligent household.

How can I learn these skills now? These are great questions and they’re completely normal concerns. If your partner isn’t on board yet, start by leading by example. Share what you’re learning about emotional intelligence and how it’s impacting your relationship with your kids. Encourage them to join you in listening to this podcast.

If they’re resistant, focus on your own growth. And how you interact with your children. What I know for sure is that your consistent practice, your modeling, not only for your kids, but your partner and increased in emotional intelligence will positively influence the entire family dynamic over time. I know because I’ve had this lived experience and if you didn’t grow up in an emotionally intelligent household, don’t worry, start by educating yourself with this podcast.

And you’re doing a great job listening. Practice self awareness and self regulation in your daily life. And please know it’s totally normal and okay to make mistakes. What matters is your commitment to growth and improvement. So here’s your homework assignment for this week, speaking of growth and improvement.

I want you to practice naming your emotions out loud when you’re with your kids. The good, the bad, the ugly. Name all your emotions. Notice how this small change impacts your interactions. Think of a time when you successfully used emotional intelligence to navigate a parenting challenge. Reflect on that experience and consider how you can apply similar strategies in the future.

And if you’re ready to dig deeper into raising your emotional intelligence in your parenting, then I would be remiss if I did not personally invite you to join The Hive. The Hive is where I teach parents exactly like you. exactly how to develop their emotional intelligence with personalized strategies that were created just for you.

In the Hive, you and I will work together to transform these concepts into real world parenting tools that work for you and your unique family situation. So if this feels like the moment to jump in and have me as your coach, And increase your emotional intelligence for your family, then I want you to go to the hive coaching.

com where you’re going to learn more and get yourself signed up. Go there right now. Don’t wait. Take this as a sign, my personal invitation to raise your emotional intelligence and sign up right now. I cannot wait to work with you. To wrap up, remember that parenting with emotional intelligence isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about creating an environment where feelings are acknowledged, respected, and used as tools for growth and connection. Every emotionally intelligent interaction with your child is a step towards a stronger, more connected relationship. Here’s the truth. The journey isn’t linear. It will never be perfect.

But what I know for sure is a little bit of progress goes a long, long, long way. You’re not just teaching your children how to manage emotions. You’re equipping them with life skills that will serve them well into adulthood and throughout their entire lives. So take a deep breath, be patient with yourself and celebrate the small victories.

I am certainly. Celebrating them with you and for you, your efforts to parent with emotional intelligence are shaping your child’s future in profound ways. So please keep learning, keep growing, and most importantly, keep connecting until we meet again. I’m wishing you peaceful parenting. Thanks for listening to real world peaceful parenting.

If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit the peaceful parent. com. See you soon.