Peaceful Parenting With Lisa Smith
Audio interview by Laura Yamin of www.laurayamin.com.
You are listening to Say Yes Podcast, episode 111
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do one thing that scares you every day.” This show is about saying yes to those actions, big and small that push you closer to who you want to be. Welcome to the Say Yes Podcast, bytes size conversions about saying yes to a bigger life, to inspire you to take action today.
Welcome to our show guys, so happy to have you here. Today’s guest is Lisa Smith and she is going to talk about peaceful parenting. I hope you enjoy this show.
Laura : Hi Lisa, Welcome to Say Yes Podcast.
Lisa: Hi Laura, Thanks for having me, I am delighted to be here.
Laura: So happy to have you here, so tell us who you are and what do you do?
Lisa: Well, my name is Lisa Smith, and I am a mom and a parent coach. I live in Scottsdale, Arizona, and work with moms and dads around the world and I help parents learn to parent without yelling, threatening, or punishing, so that they can really enjoy parenting without guilt or shame and find deep cooperation and connection with their children.
Laura: That is awesome, so tell us why did you yes to?
Lisa: Well, I said yes to peaceful parenting a few years ago, also known as conscious parenting or mindful parenting.
Laura: Tell us about that? What was the turning point and what it is look like?
Lisa: Yeah, well, I was a very successful professional in Corporate America and decided to have a child later in life, and I have one son and I remember one day I was furious with my son and it was over a homework or showering, or something honestly, I can’t remember, and I was yelling at him and he was yelling at me and I was so furious with him for yelling and then it hit me. I was yelling at him for yelling at me, and I realized I was teaching my son to be reacted and angry and he was only six years old.
Lisa: I thought if this is our way now what it would be like in 10 years. I had a lot of guilt and shame. I was angry and frustrated and I couldn’t find the “joy in parenting” and I noticed that everyone around me seemed to be doing it right and I could not get there, so I set about to find a new way.
Laura: And tell us about the new way, how did you come about with it?
Lisa: Well, as the universe work, the solution fell on my lap one day, I found this parent coach training and it really spoke to me and I decided to start the journey of transitioning from dominant parenting to peaceful parenting and really the impact was immediate for me, for my son, my husband, and our family. In the first few weeks, I felt the change and I could see the path to peaceful parenting. I knew the connection was really rooted in cooperation and really moving away from threats, rewards, punishments, and moving towards that middle ground known as peaceful parenting and really a sense of calmness came over me that I hadn’t felt since becoming a parent. I discovered empathy and how to apply it to my son. I discovered a new way of thinking and approaching the challenges ahead of us. I learned techniques that take us away from confrontation and took us towards problem-solving and that really came about because I learned how to hold boundaries for myself and how to use values as the cornerstone of parenting.
Laura: That’s amazing, amazing to witness. Talk to about any dots and resistance in the process of transitioning from dominant parent to now peaceful parent, did you face any of them?
Lisa: Oh, Laura, ha, ha, that’s all another podcast, but yes, you know, I would say it this way, I mean today I really strive for progress, not perfection. I talk about this a ton. You know, there are still occasional setbacks in my house even to this day, and I have been peaceful parenting for about five years now. You know, we all lose yourself once in a while, and the difference now is that when the rupture happens, I know how to repair it. The difference is that I am calm and centered and I have tools that really help us overcome, you know, the setbacks that happen and they happen, I mean most of us are parenting the way we were parented and so deep there is actually brain science involved, there is deep neural pathways, deep tracts that are set when we were little and so even when we don’t want to parent or behave a certain way, we have to work hard to overcome those and so, yeah doubt and setbacks creep in all the time, but you are going to have tools that help work through that, whether I am working with a client or working in my own parenting. I know that freedom is just right around the corner.
Laura: Talk to us about those tools, what some tools, you know, someone who is starting on this process may pick up.
Lisa: Yeah, great question. Thanks for asking that. Tools that I teach and that I work with myself, my program is very parent centric, so it’s all about helping the parent, really work on the connection and cooperation and the tool. The biggest tool is healing your own childhood, really understanding how your childhood, whether it was extremely traumatic or idyllic. We are bringing some of our own limiting beliefs from our childhood into our parenting. So one of the biggest tools is just cleaning all of that up and sort of allowing, because of the healing that can happen, we can calmly be present with our children. Another tool is value-based parenting, getting with your partner’s spouse, really working out what are your values, what is your family stand for and then using those to guide your parenting. What you say yes to, what you say no to, and then the third one I will share it really understanding that anger is a complex emotion and underneath anger is unmet needs. If you are having a lot of anger as a parent, it’s really digging and using anger as a beacon to uncover your unmet needs and if your child has anger, it’s not taking the anger personally, but really becoming a detective to help them uncover what their needs are and how they can get their needs met in their family.
Laura: Wow, that’s a lot of really great stuff, thank you! So how was your life transformed as a result of saying yes?
Lisa: Well, I left my corporate job and I am now a parent coach. I am connected with really everyone in my life. It started out connecting with my son, my husband, and it really transformed how I approached people and the tool that I have to connect deeply with people in my life and really allowed me to find my highest calling, which is to serve families.
Laura: That’s amazing. Tell us how we can connect with you online?
Lisa: The best way to find me online is to jump over to www.thepeacefulparent.com. Drop down to the bottom and grab a spot to sign up for a free session with me, a free strategy session where I help you dig into what are your goals for your family and I welcome the opportunity to talk with anyone.
Laura: Thank you so much for the offer. So just definitely checkout the thepeacefulparentingmethod.com. Thank you Lisa so much.
Lisa: Thank you.
Laura: Thank you Lisa for agreeing to the interview. If you like to connect with Lisa, please visit www.thepeacefulparent.com. For show notes and other information, please visit laurayamin.com. Thank you so much for listening, I hope you have a fantastic day.