Ep #153: Create Connection with These Simple Words

Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith | Create Connection with These Simple Words

When we get to spend real quality time with our children, creating connection can happen pretty naturally, and feels like a joy. But how do you build a stronger connection with your kids so you can mutually enjoy more of the mundane, day-to-day time you have together? I’ve got some effective connection-creating tools to share with you in today’s episode, and it all starts with how you talk to your children and nurture their self-esteem.

I often talk about what not to do when it comes to fostering connection with your kids, but today, I’m shifting gears to focus on what you can actively do to strengthen connection, while also getting cooperation from them.

Tune in this week to start evaluating how you’re communicating with your kids, and discover how to hone your communication so you can create real connection. I’m sharing how you might be unintentionally causing your kids stress and affecting their self-esteem, and how to choose words that empower your children for the rest of their lives.


If you want to create more connection and bring joy to the holiday season, I have a free 90-minute coaching session. This is an opportunity for you to bring your parenting questions to me and create ease and enjoyment at this time of year. It’s happening on Thursday, December 14th 2023 at 9AM (Pacific) and you can click here to reserve your spot!

Want to know everything you need to start your journey to peaceful parenting? Click here to sign up for my free peaceful parenting mini-course!

If you want to take the next step to become a better parent, come and check out The Hive. It’s a one-of-a-kind community that serves parents who want ongoing support with their peaceful parenting journey and gives you everything you need to move along the path to peaceful parenting. Ready to become the parent you’ve always wanted to be? Click here to join The Hive now, I cannot wait to welcome you to the community.


What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why conversations with our kids often veer unintentionally toward critiquing their character.
  • The kind of language that inadvertently creates stress for our kids, chipping away at their self-esteem.
  • Why we need to teach our kids both growth and self-worth.
  • How your words influence your child’s self-perception and confidence.
  • Your responsibility and opportunity to instill a positive narrative within your kids.
  • Some phrases and affirmations you can use to empower and connect with your children.


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:

  • Click here to sign up for my free Peaceful Parenting mini-course! You’ll find everything you need to continue on the path to peaceful parenting over there just waiting for you. 
  • Send us an email!
  • Message me on Instagram and tell me how you felt after 10 minutes of undivided attention with your child.
  • Click here to join The Hive!
  • Peggy O’Mara


Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach Lisa Smith as she gives you actionable step-by-step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation. Let’s dive in.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to today’s episode. I am thrilled to share today’s episode focusing on building stronger connections with our children. I had the joy, privilege, and honor of having Malcom home from college for three days over Thanksgiving. It was such a joy to connect with him and to spend quality time together.

I really got to thinking about ways to build stronger connection with our kids as a result of our recent time together. I’m really excited to offer up this tool today as a way to build stronger connection with our kids. We often delve into discussions here at Real World Peaceful Parenting Podcast about what not to do in an attempt to foster connection with our kids. While that’s critical, today I want to shift gears and focus on what we can actively do to strengthen that connection and get cooperation from our kids.

Many times our conversations with our kids will unintentionally veer into a territory that critiques their character. You know things like you’re disrespectful, you’re lazy, you’re difficult, et cetera. Listen to me, I know that just like me, you love every one of your kids immensely, immensely. You never, not once, intend to undermine their self-worth. I know that. I know it because you wouldn’t be here listening to this podcast every week if that weren’t true. Your love for your children is never a fair discussion, never.

In our efforts to guide and support our kids, sometimes our language can inadvertently create stress and chip away at their self-esteem. I know that may be hard to hear, but sometimes it inadvertently happens. Within my own family, we’ve dedicated ample time to discerning between issues related to the process problem and those connected to character problems.

It’s essential to evaluate how we communicate with our kids to achieve the desired outcome of improving the process without negatively impacting their self-worth, their self-esteem, or their sense of self. It’s really important that we approach our language and our interactions with our kids in a manner that fosters their growth and their self-worth. One without the other, no bueno. Growth and self-worth.

Here’s what I know after all of these years of working with families just like yours. Our words as the parents, as the caregivers, as the grandparents, our words hold a remarkable power. Even if you think your kids aren’t listening or paying attention, what I promise you is that our words hold a remarkable power. They not only shape their present, but also carve the path for their future.

Let me say that again. Our words, the way we speak to our kids, not only shape their present, but carve a path for their future. The way we speak to our kids is akin to crafting the script for their inner dialogue. Peggy O’Mara said it so beautifully. Our outer voice becomes their inner voice. The way we speak to our kids influences their self-perception and their confidence. It does. This is a fact. This is not Lisa’s opinion, this is a fact.

You have a responsibility. Just by being your children’s parent, you have a responsibility and an opportunity to instill a positive identity and narrative within your kids. So I want us to be mindful that our voices, what we say to our kids over and over and over again ,becomes the guiding force for their self-worth, their self-value, and their self-esteem. By consciously choosing our words to uplift and empower, we’re cultivating a supportive environment for their personal development and success. For their growth and their self-esteem.

So with that in mind, I want to share with you a list of phrases and affirmations that you can use to empower your kids. A list of phrases that you can use to offer them hope, and most importantly, reinforce your unwavering belief in their potential.

There is no better gift we give our children than reinforcing our unwavering belief in their potential. Even in the midst of mistakes, these affirmations aim to build self-worth and value rather than diminish how they see themselves. This episode aims to equip you with tools and affirmations to positively influence our kids, to create a supportive environment that nurtures growth and resilience.

So I want you to feel free to adjust the script according to your own tone, style, culture, beliefs, but the goal is to maintain a positive and encouraging atmosphere while laying the groundwork for growth and self-esteem. You ready? It’s a great list. I’m going to read it off, and you can write them down.

You are so loved. You have great ideas. You ask really good questions. I’m so happy when you’re around. I’m so proud of you for being you. I’m so glad you’re here. We can manage your big feelings together. Mistakes are okay, and we all make them. Your opinion matters. I know you’re trying your best. You are safe. You can say no. The family wouldn’t be the same without you. You love to learn.

You’re fun. You’re strong. You’re perfect as you are. I’m so grateful that I get to be your parent. I will always love you. I believe in you. You were so important. You did that so well. You are wonderful. That was a kind of thing you did. I noticed what you did. You’ve improved since last time. You didn’t give up when that was hard. I can tell you put time and effort into this. You look really proud of yourself. I’m proud of the effort you put in. I’m proud of you for just trying that. Most importantly, there is nothing you can do to take my love away. Nothing.

As we wrap up, I hope these affirmations and phrases resonated with you as much as they do with me. As a side note, when we repeat these to our children, not only do they get a feel good chemical hit in their brain, but we get one as well for even voicing it to our kids. It’s a win-win.

Now you and I both know that our kid’s journeys are filled with ups and downs. But our unwavering support and belief in their potential can make all the difference in how they see the world and themselves. What I really want you to hear in today’s episode, if nothing else, is I really want you to hear that the way we communicate with our kids shapes their sense of self-worth, self-value, and confidence.

When we work diligently to empower our children with love, encouragement, and belief in their abilities, great things happen. Together, we can create an environment where they flourish, where they know they’re loved, valued, and capable. That changes the world, one family at a time.

So I want to thank you, really sincerely thank you for listening today. You’re doing a great job. I want to encourage you to keep fostering the connections with your kids. I want you know the byproduct of connection is cooperation.

So, again, I want to encourage you to adjust these sayings, these affirmations, these phrases to suit your tone and style, ensuring it aligns with the goal of today’s episode of nurturing your children’s self-esteem. Yeah? It’s good stuff, isn’t it? The way we talk to our kids matters. Our outer voice becomes their inner voice. So good, isn’t it?

Before I say goodbye to you today, I want to ask you a question. Do you want your kids to remember joy not stress this holiday season? Is that a goal of yours? Is that something you really want this year? I know I do. I also know the holidays aren’t always smooth sailing, especially when family dynamics heat up, kids act out, and you’re on the verge of snapping 24/7. It happens to all of us. You’re not alone.

If you find yourself-getting more and more dysregulated as the holidays approach, maybe you’re starting to feel the dread of the holidays, or you’re feeling anxious about all that’s left to get done. You don’t know how to manage all the stress of this time of year, and you find yourself snapping at your kids more than you’d like. If you can relate to any or all of this, I have a solution for you this year, and it’s 100% free. I’m determined to help you bring the joy to this holiday season. I’m determined to help you connect more than ever with your kids during the stressful time.

If this feels like something you’re looking for, you’re looking for an answer, a solution, or a new tool, then I want you to join me on Thursday, December 14 for free coaching over the holidays. We’re going to start over on Zoom and 9:00 a.m. Pacific, 10:00 Mountain, 11:00 Central, and 12:00 Eastern. That’s 5:00 p.m. GMT on Thursday, December 14.

We’re going to be together for 90 minutes, and this is all about you. This is an opportunity for you to bring your own questions that you have about you, your kids, your parenting, the holidays, the stress, the anxiety, the challenges you face. Here’s just a few examples of the things that we’re going to address, or that we might discuss on Thursday the 14th.

You can come and ask me Lisa, how do I dial down my stress? What do I do if my kid has a meltdown during the holidays? How do I deal with the judgment from my in-laws? Things get really crazy when my whole family gets together. How do I handle that? How do I effectively deal with undesirable behaviors? Maybe your kids, maybe yours, maybe your co-parents? Lisa, how do I get my kids to listen for real and do what I ask when they’re all jacked up on sugar and the excitement of the presents of the season?

What do I do when me and my co-parent aren’t on the same page during the stressful holiday season? Well, I’ve got all those answers and more. We’re gonna dig into all of that during the free coaching that’s going to happen on Thursday, December 14, at 9:00 a.m. Pacific, 10:00 Mountain, 11:00 Central, and 12:00 Eastern.

I am totally committed to helping you, yes you, make this the most enjoyable holiday season yet no matter where you live and no matter what your celebrating. End of the year, the holiday, whatever you’re celebrating in December, I’m here for you. I am determined to help you make this the most enjoyable season yet.

All you need to do is go to thepeacefulparent.com/coaching and reserve your seat. We have plenty of room for everybody. If you want to invite a friend or two to come along as well, feel free to. Can’t make the live call? That’s okay. Sign up, and we’ll send you the recording after the call is finished.

I do not want you to miss out on the opportunity to get free coaching, to get answers to your questions, to get help with your parenting and your kids so that you can make this your best holiday season yet and head into 2024 feeling stress free, calm, and knowing exactly what to do to help your kids with the meltdowns and listen the first time. Yeah? I can’t wait to work with you. I’ll see you there.

So go to thepeacefulparent.com/coaching to sign up right now. Don’t wait. Get yourself-signed up so you can check the box and show up on the 14th of December. You are so loved. Your opinion matters. I’m so glad you’re here. I believe in you. You’re an amazing parent. Doesn’t that feel good to hear that? I want that for you, and I want that for your kids. Okay, until we meet again, I’m wishing you peaceful parenting.

Thank you so much for listening today. I want to personally invite you to head over to thepeacefulparent.com/welcome and sign up for my free peaceful parenting minicourse. You’ll find everything you need to get started on the path to peaceful parenting just waiting for you over there at www.thepeacefulparent.com/welcome. I can’t wait for you to get started.

Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit thepeacefulparent.com. See you soon.


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About the author

Lisa Smith

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