I am working on my nutrition and my overall health. With that in mind, I decided to say good-bye to sugar. See you later baby!
Wow! Holly Moly did this really bring up my stuff! One of the most profound discoveries was that I was using sugar to mask some of my biggest parenting challenges. Within a couple of weeks into the “no sugar” lifestyle, I realized I was using sugar and processed food to ease the anxiety and discomfort I felt every day when I picked up my son after school!
For goodness sake I am a parent coach! I am supposed to enjoy parenting at all times, right? There should not be anxiety on a daily basis. I love my son and enjoy spending time with him. “What in the heck is going on?” I asked myself.
What I discovered is that the sugar and unhealthy afternoon snacks (fro-yo, diet coke, pizza roll ups, mac n’ cheese) were a way to distract myself from the boredom, anxiety and discomfort I felt each day after school.
Sugar In The Early Years
Even as a child, I felt discomfort between 3 and 5pm Monday thru Friday. I remember as a young girl being uncomfortable in my household every day after school. It wasn’t a place I wanted to be. It was not fun, there were a lot of chores to do and the pressure of homework.
Add in the grumpy, stressed out parents that got home about 5:30 and you have the perfect recipe for anxiety. I also remember stress eating every day after school as a way of processing the happenings at school both in junior high and then in high school. I even started working after school at a very young age, in part, just so I didn’t have to be home after school. I now realize my “after school” discomfort is a learned reaction and a deep buried wound that I have been carrying around.
Sweet Realization
Once the sugar was stripped away, I was able to acknowledge that my son doesn’t want to do homework and neither do I, honestly. I noticed that I wanted it done quickly and quietly and he wants to delay it as long as possible and distract himself while doing it (sound familiar?)! I also noticed I wasn’t eating enough during the day and that contributes to my anxiety, big time! It also contributes to my sugar fix for soothing. I noticed I often started the afternoons with a bad attitude — hungry, cranky and BIG expectations for how things should go. And when things didn’t go my way, it provided the perfect trigger for my bad attitude.
After this realization I asked myself now what? More questions came up like…What do you want? What does my son want/need? (His needs and feelings matter to me.) How do I want to show up at 3pm regardless of how he shows up? Who do I want to be?
Afternoon Delight
My answers to these questions helped me see that I wanted to enjoy the afternoons. I wanted to feel accomplished about my work at 3pm. I wanted to feel nourished, calm and present. I wanted to lead him but not do things for him. I wanted to be supportive and engaged in conversation that matters to both of us. And I wanted us to have fun! I really, really wanted us to enjoy our afternoons together.
It has been about a month into the new “after school” mind set, and we are experimenting with what works and what doesn’t work. For example, on the drive home from school I don’t ask questions about school any more. Instead I ask, “how was your day? He is welcome to initiate any conversation he wants but my grilling him wasn’t helpful for either of us. That one change alone feels lighter and feels like we are on the right path. I realized that I don’t want to be grilled each day after work and asked a million questions in rapid succession.
I am also making it a point to check in with myself earlier in the day to make sure I am nourished and hydrated.
My anxiety is not gone but it is quieter and I now know what it is. I can be comfortable with the uncomfortable. I don’t need to soothe with sugar. I unlearned my own after school patterns and learned a new “after school mindset”.
Quitting sugar is good for my body AND it also turned out to be good for my parenting and my relationship with my son! By clearing out the sugar I was able to see my triggers around parenting after school and the steps (sugar) to take to avoid the anxiety. I now see that I was longing for a deeper connection and more fun for both of us!
What are you using to distract yourself? What are you trying to avoid? Do you know you have triggers (deep thoughts) that show up and negatively influence your parenting? The goal is to find your triggers around parenting and eliminate them so you can connect with your kids on a deeper level! Want to know more or need help figuring out your triggers? I can help! You can schedule a free, no obligation discovery session with me at www.thepeacefulparentingmethod.com.
