How do you want your kids to remember you?

Last week I wrote about a couple of parenting concepts and how I thought they related to the story in the film ‘Finding Nemo.’ If you missed that you can find it HERE.

Have you seen the Pixar film, ‘Coco’, that was released by Disney? 

Isn’t it funny how us moms know all the plots of the kid’s films, when we used to be up to date whatever the most recent romantic comedy was? (Tom and Meg, I still love you!) 

Ah well, times move on…. 

Anyway, I was watching ‘Coco’, and in it 12-year-old Miguel is accidentally transported to the Land of the Dead. (If you haven’t seen it, believe me it’s so much cheerier than it sounds.)

Now on the face of it, what he did was a ‘very bad thing’. He takes the guitar of his great-great-grandfather from the museum that is dedicated in his honor. 

Miguel leaves his family at a time of family celebration with the hope that he can perform in a competition. He needs a guitar and so this is how he gets one. 

He takes something from a museum that doesn’t belong to him.

The thing is, his family had not really taken the time to get to understand the FEELINGS and NEEDS of Miguel and that is what drives him to this action.

Miguel has a deep need for music but this is denied him as in his family being a musician is seen as being irresponsible.

His great-great-grandmother, Imelda, was left to raise her toddler daughter Coco when her husband left to become a musician, saying that he would come back and then he never did. 

Imelda decides that there will be no music and no musicians in her family after that.

Miguel will NOT be a musician, even though it is his deepest need.

Miguel has to go on a whole journey through the Land of the Dead and make new discoveries about what really happened (I don’t want too many spoilers for you) for his family to recognise the deep need that he has. 

Throughout the film, Miguel is on the run from his family because they will not recognise his deep needs and their refusal to causes this division and separation.

I’m not saying that we need to give in to our child’s every need and want, (wow, that would get expensive at the Lego store, wouldn’t it?) but I do think we have to learn about our children’s needs and wants so that we recognize them for who they truly are.

I think that to understand fully who our child is and to have deep connection with them, we really need to know what matters to them. 

This means playing detective and getting under the behaviour to the feelings and needs below it.

That’s the key part of my work, helping you get underneath the behaviours to resolve the feelings and needs, because when you do, often the behaviour takes care of itself.

There’s a song that is repeated throughout the film called ‘Remember Me’. 

How do you want your kids to remember you?

How do you want them to remember their childhood?

It’s my mission to help you to have the deep connection and understanding in your family. 

You can make the choices that will turn things around in your family, no matter if it seems like things have gone too far.

Wishing you peaceful parenting,


PS. Watch out for next week’s email where I’ll be talking about getting your kids to behave ‘the right way’ and why that’s not always as great an idea as it sounds.

About the author

Lisa Smith

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