Ep #71: Small Changes, Big Impact: A Real-World Success Story with Tricia

Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master certified parent coach Lisa Smith as she gives you actionable step-by-step strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to cooperation. Let’s dive in.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to today’s episode. I know I say this a lot but it’s 100% true. I love being with you each week. I am so, so, so proud of you for investing this time in your parenting, in your kids, in your family. Well done, well done.

Now, if you’ve been listening for a while, you know that I try to bring you tips, ideas, and support that help you create deep connection and cooperation with your kids. Today I have a special treat for you. I want you to listen in as Tricia and I have a conversation about a success story that she had recently with her, her husband, and her three-year-old son.

Tricia is a Hive member and has been on this journey down the peaceful parenting path for a little while now, and she’s excited to share how she worked to stay regulated while her three-year-old son was storming at bedtime. I know there are so many of us that will be able to relate to Tricia’s story. She’s been working on this bit by bit, just like you are every week working on it bit by bit.

When I first met Tricia, she was constantly storming alongside her son. Those are her words, not mine, and she was taking his storming personally, and making it mean unkind things about her, her parenting, and her son. Feel familiar? Sound familiar? So listen in to the transformation for Tricia, listen in as to how far she’s come, and how she’s doing it differently now and where she’s at.

Lisa: All right. Welcome, Tricia. So good to have you here today. Let’s jump in.

Tricia: Thank you for having me. So last night during bedtime routine, we alternate, but when husband is home, Mr. Three-Year-Old really wants husband to put him to bed. Rightfully so. He works long hours. He’s not home every night. When he gets these long stretches of time off. Mr. Three-Year-Old is super excited and wants daddy every time.

Well, last night, I wanted to spend time with Mr. Three-Year-Old, and I said how about I read you your stories tonight, and I put you to bed? And, of course, it sent him down a spiral. He stormed major. Like major, major, major.

I was very proud of myself because I stayed regulated the entire time. I did not take it personally, not even a little bit. Even though he kept saying, “I don’t want you. I want Daddy. I want Daddy.” I said I understand. I want daddy too. Daddy’s not an option. So I let him calm down. I asked him when you’re ready to reset, we’ll walk outside. We’re going to go into a new realm, and look at the cars, hear the sounds of the birds, hear the crickets. Just kind of really get mindful about where we were and what we were listening to so he wouldn’t focus so much on his storm.

I sat him down on the bed and I said, “So let me get this straight. You really wanted daddy to take you to bed tonight, didn’t you?” “I did.” I said, “Well, you really miss Daddy when he’s not here.” He said yeah. I said, “I miss him too. I miss him too. I totally get that. And I understand why you would want him to take you to bed, but tonight I wanted to spend time with you. I wanted to spend time with you and read you and put you to bed and spend special time with you.”

I said, “So how about we learn how to let other people spend time with you?” He says okay, like I get that now. I was just upset that it wasn’t the plan that I had come up with in my head. I’m like yep, I get it.

Lisa: I love it.

Tricia: He let me put him to bed, and I read him a story. It was like, wow. Like that has such a transformational piece in my life the fact that I didn’t get upset, I didn’t take it personally. As much as I wanted to like walk away when it was uncomfortable, I didn’t. He wanted his dad, which I was like okay. Like you want your dad. This has happened before, and we’ve given in but tonight I said no. I’m going to fulfill this role, and I’m going to just take over and do it. And I did, and I was so proud of myself for getting through this.

Lisa: Yeah, Tricia, there’s so many things in this story that I love and I want to point out to the listeners. I mean, it starts with you not taking it personally, you not storming alongside him, right, you not getting your feelings hurt. Oh, he doesn’t love me or I love that you related. You gave him room to feel his feelings. Yeah, you miss Daddy. You want him to put you to bed.

You gave him space to feel his feelings, and you didn’t but him. “But it’s my night or but this.” You validated his feelings. You let him storm then you worked him into his higher brain, right? We talked about motion changes emotion. So by going outside and looking at the cars and listening to the sounds, he was able to get regulated. Only after he was regulated did you parent him, right?

Tricia: Yes.

Lisa: And you showed up as a peaceful leader of the household. Maybe it was dad’s night off? Maybe he was grumpy. Okay. So he didn’t want to put Mr. Three-Year-Old.

Tricia: Right, but I didn’t want to tell him, right.

Lisa: Exactly.

Tricia: I didn’t want that to be the reason—I didn’t want that to be what he was hearing, right.

Lisa: Exactly. Yes.

Tricia: I wanted to spend the time with you and that’s why this was important to me, even though it’s like whatever, right? I do this all the time, right? Like, I put him to bed all the time. This is not the first time this has happened when there’s been, right? Like, we’re gonna go to the museum today. It’s gonna be great. Your cousins are going to come. Then cousins get here, and they’re like, “We want to go to the beach.” And he has an absolute connip about it.

So I sat him down that time and I’m like, “Oh, it’s because you had it in your mind that we were gonna go somewhere else, and we were going to do something else.” He doesn’t he’s not very flexible I’m finding.

Lisa: But that’s also great because what you’re learning, I just want to say this, what you’re learning is that, okay my oldest child is not very flexible. I can meet him where he’s at. I don’t have to make that shadow side of him be a horrible thing or put him down or call him names or yell at him when he appears to be inflexible. I can meet him where he’s at.

I can understand that when he thinks we’re going to the museum and there’s a shift in plans, which there often is in life, that the first layer I’m going to get is resistance and inflexibility. I can stay regulated and work with him over time to soften a bit in his inflexibility.

Tricia: Yeah. I think the hardest part of those moments of inflexibility is when other people are staring at you and like what are you going to say to him about this? Or if I had a minute to like pull him aside. But that’s the hardest part is when other people are staring at you and you’re like, can I just have a minute? Can I just pull him aside and be like hey dude, let’s talk about this for a minute? We can have fun doing a different activity.

Lisa: Thanks, Tricia for sharing so openly with us. I love sharing with you all what is possible and what a real world peaceful parenting transformation looks like in real time. I just love it. Now I want to ask you a question. Can you relate to her story?

Does this sound in any way like the storming going on in your home at bedtime, at dinnertime, getting dressed in the morning, before soccer practice, on the way to school? Trying to get your tween off of gaming trying to get your kids to do chores, trying to get your teenagers to put the phone down. Yeah? I so get it. I totally understand.

Here’s my next question. Are you ready to try something new and different? Well, if the answer is yes, hell yes, or yes but I want you to run, not walk but run, to your nearest browser on your computer, your iPad, or your phone and sign up for my free masterclass happening on May 19^th. This is where it’s happening, and this is where you can learn how to turn things around just like Tricia.

In this free class I am going to show you, yes you, exactly what to do and exactly what to say to decrease the storming, the disrespect, the power struggles, and the drama. Here’s what we’re going to talk about on May 19^th.

I’m going to share the three biggest things parents do that lead kids to disobey, disrespect, and ignore them. Oh, I know, right? You are actually doing things that are contributing to your kids disobeying, disrespecting, and ignoring you. I’m going to tell you what those are. I’m also going to share with you what you can do instead to instantly get more cooperation and respect. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t want that?

I’m going to share with you what I wish someone had told me when my son was four instead of just screaming at him so I could get five precious minutes of peace and quiet. Can you relate to that? I’m going to share with you real world stories of parents who turn things around with their kids, just like Tricia. Proof that small changes are all it takes. You can do this too. I know you can. On May 19, I am going to walk you through how to do this exactly in this masterclass.

So, I want you to go to thepeacefulparent.com/workshop to sign up. I absolutely cannot wait to work with you. So go over to thepeacefulparent.com/workshop, and we’ll guide you through getting signed up.

Now maybe you’re asking, “Hey, Lisa, it sounds great, but how long is this going to take?” Well, we’re going to be together for about 90 minutes, and I want you to think about it like a class or workout. Maybe you’re wondering should I really attend? Is this for me? Well, if you want relief, you want tools, you want to change things in your household, this class is for you. If you’re ready for the transformation, the class is for you. If you want to feel hopeful that the way you and your kid or kids interact now is not how it’s going to be forever, the class is for you.

I want you to know that you can shift what’s going on. I’m going to show you the tools that you need to do it for free on May 19^th in this masterclass. You’re going to come away with new tools and simple action items to shift things between you and your kids for the better. You’re also going to come away with hope that things can change, and you’re going to know that you’re not alone. Lastly, you’ll know exactly what you need to do next, I 100% promise.

Now maybe you like the sound of this, but you can’t make the live call. No problem. We’ll share a recording with everyone who signs up for the class. But if you can join us for the live class experience, please do. We create a positive and encouraging group of parents that we bring together. It feels so good to know that you’re not alone and be in community with likeminded parents. I want that for all of you.

So in closing, if today’s episode, if Tricia’s story, if my invitation to join the masterclass spoke to you in any way, go to thepeacefulparent.com/workshop to sign up. Think about it this way, you are 90 minutes away from taking your real world peaceful parenting to the next level. I will show you the way and I’ve got your back, I promise. I’ll see you inside the class.

Thank you so much for listening today. I want to personally invite you to head over to thepeacefulparent.com/welcome and sign up for my free peaceful parenting minicourse. You’ll find everything you need to get started on the path to peaceful parenting just waiting for you over there at www.thepeacefulparent.com/welcome. I can’t wait for you to get started.

Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, visit thepeacefulparent.com. See you soon.